Monday, September 10, 2012

And They Lived Happily Ever After

I tend to be a girl with her head in the clouds but when it comes to certain subjects, I can become somewhat of a realist. This post is one of my realist moments. Many of you might hate me after this post. Many of you might say, "That Kelsey girl has a sad existence." But perhaps a few of you will step back and see a bit of truth to this post. Yes, this is about to turn into one of my "opinion posts". I try keeping them to a minimum because I dare not be that person. You know, the one that shares all of their political/religious/other views on facebook and they somehow think they are changing the world. . .when really they are just making all their facebook friends want to block them. You all know what I'm talking about. Especially since we have election time coming up. Now let me assure you, this post is not about politics. This post is regarding the dating game and that funny little word we call chivalry.

I constantly hear girls complain whether it be face to face, through blog posts, or via other social media about men. I always hear girls say, "What happened to chivalry? Has the gentleman gone extinct?" I hear and read a lot about women attacking men. Well, I'm about to be the bad guy and stand up for all the men out there. Because men deserve to have a voice too. But lots of men do not have blogs, and those that do would be attacked by angry girls if they stood up for themselves. I know this because I have a guy friend that wrote a similar blog post once, only to be ridiculed by a handful of PMS-raging women. So here goes nothing.

Let me declare at once that chivalry is not dead. Perhaps it has evolved, but it is not dead. I realize men do not talk in the poetic language of Mr. Darcy anymore, and I realize that maybe men do not call upon women as they once did. But guess what, ladies? If you want to go back to all of that, I hope you are willing to go back to the way everything was for women in the well-known days of chivalry. That means be prepared to give up all your rights and realize once you get married, you are your husband's property. Because I think Jane Austen failed to explain all those points to you in her books. I also hope you realize that men bathed much less back then than they do now.

Now moving on, I realize there are a lot of guys who are real jerks. I dated a few. But I also dated a lot of really great guys. Guess which ones I tried harder to date? The answer would be the jerky ones. I think us ladies sometimes like to look for romance in all the wrong places. This brings me to "the list". I know many young ladies who have lists. You know, the list of requirements that their future husband must have. And yes, he must possess all attributes from the list. First off, how would you feel about a guy you date having a list for you? There might be things on his list like:

  • Must let me hang out with my guy friends
  • Must like video games
  • Must have perfect boobs

Degrading, am I right? Well, our lists are no different. They are degrading towards men. I am not saying that having certain expectations or standards is a bad thing. It's a great thing! I am just saying that I have talked to plenty of girls who complain about not getting asked out on dates, only to watch them turn around and say no to a perfectly nice guy who asks them out. I have questioned a few girls about this, when they refuse to date someone, and I usually receive some lame excuse.
"He is too skinny."
"He's going bald."
"He is too nice. So nice that it is weird."
All of those excuses are just that. Excuses. Of course guys are not going to want to ask you out if they feel rejected before the first date even happens.

 Being a guy would suck. I would be terrified of asking girls out, only to find out I'm not good enough for said girl. Think of how vulnerable guys probably feel.

So stop searching for the perfect guy single ladies, because he doesn't exist. Unless you, yourself, are the perfect girl. Then I guess you deserve the perfect guy. Good luck with your perfect life. Sorry. . .that sounded rude. I'm just trying to prove that if you have all these unreachable expectations for men to reach, then you better reach all the same unreachable expectations for the man you choose to date.

Chivalry is not dead. It is very much alive. I know this because I married my husband. A man who takes me on dates, surprises me with flowers, opens doors, and holds my hand in public just because. But I never would have married my husband if I hadn't given him a chance. When I met Brian, I was doing the whole hang out and make out thing with a boy who I thought was really hot. Then Brian came into the picture and he actually asked me out on a date. At the time, I didn't even know Brian. I knew his name, I knew he was in my church ward, and I knew we worked out at the gym at the same times because I occasionally would pass him and say hi. That's it. But I took a chance and said yes when he asked me out. It was the best chance I ever took.

Maybe I'm totally wrong, but maybe I'm right. If you want to find out which I am, do me a favor and try ripping up your list and just date all types of guys, even ones you don't think you would be attracted to. Because you might find out the ones you didn't think you'd like are in fact the ones who will buy you flowers, write you poetry, and open your car door. And then you might just fall in love.


  1. This is just so great. And so true. And something so many girls need to be reminded of. Including me. Thanks!

  2. Thanks, girls! I've been wanting to write this post for a long time now. But I was afraid no one would agree with me! I'm glad you get where I'm coming from :).


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