Friday, May 28, 2010

A Year? Really?

This past Wednesday marked a year since I graduated high school. Crazy. That year flew by. Going to graduation was so strange, because in a way I felt like I was graduating all over again. I feel like I was just barely in high school, but at the same time I feel like I've been out on my own forever. I had so many mixed emotions as I watched some of my close friends on their special night. I remember that day a year ago so clearly.

It was a pretty stressful day. I'd been out at the school finishing my classes for NCAA so I'd be eligible to run track at USU. Then Goldie wouldn't start. That darn van makes me so angry sometimes. . .but I still love her. So I was stranded at the school. I called my mom probably twenty times. No answer. Luckily, I had Jordan Beutler in the library to keep me entertained. My friend Abbie better be nervous about that, since Jord is her little brother (and I secretly love him). Finally on probably the hundredth desperate call, my mom answered. By the time I got home, I had half an hour to get ready. I was stressed out of my mind. I came running through the door, my tassels around my neck crooked, with about ten minutes to spare. But I still made it. And I graduated. It was great. Such an awesome night. So many feelings were bursting inside of me. So many hopes for the future. So much fear of the unknown. Now here I am, a year later, living my life. I still have many hopes for the future and fear of the unknown, but that's what makes life awesome.
I will admit that sometimes I still miss high school. That doesn't make me pathetic. When I'm fifty years old, I will still have days when I'll miss high school. I loved my four years at West Side. They were incredible. I had a blast. I made some of the greatest friends and memories along with them.
I loved playing sports. I loved the joy and the pain that came from winning and losing.
I loved student government, and getting to be pals with Mr. Bingham. Such a cute, little principal.
I loved the musical where I got to carry around the Krambule twins' dog and sing my mom's favorite song, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".
I loved my teachers and everything they taught me.
Luckily, missing high school on occasion and trying to still be in high school are two very different things. I love where I'm at now. I love Utah State. It is such an amazing place to go to school. It's a place where I'm making more friends and memories for the next chapter in my life.
I just want to end this entry with the words from the song our choir sang at our graduation. I bawled the whole song. I felt like such an idiot. My face was red and wet and each time I tried to get a word out, it just turned into a sob. Then my friend, Catherine, who stood next to me in choir, reached out and grabbed my hand. That made me cry more. She's always been around to hold my hand though. We've been friends since we were four. Thanks Cat! I love you girl. And I love this song! It's from Wicked, the musical. The words are amazing. Just see for yourself...

For Good

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the thing I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
And because I knew you...
Because I knew you...Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good.

Congrats 2010 Graduates!! :)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam..... how come we can't just stay sunbeams forever?

This past weekend, I traveled from Logan, UT to my home in Weston, ID (such a long drive...) to stay with my family. All my wonderful roommates were gone, and I'm not very good at being alone for too long. It's not that I get scared or anything. I just go crazy. I need to have people around to bother I suppose. So I went home to let my family have the bothering. On Sunday, I went to my home ward and got lucky enough to teach the sunbeam class with my mom.

Oh, the life of a five year old! Sometimes I wish I could be five again. But when church is involved, I think I wish even more that I could be five again. You can get away with so much when you're only five. There were five kids in our class, but I swear there were more! Two boys and three girls.

Boy #1- The class clown. He was cute. And he knew he was cute. He would do silly things and then just give us that huge smile of his. How are you suppose to get upset with a cute kid wearing a huge smile? Seriously. He was the one who made random comments all during class, and threw his Book of Mormon around for amusement. He did volunteer to give the closing prayer though.

Boy #2- The follower. He was a pretty well-behaved little boy. He just kind of sat, listened, and smiled. But if you were to watch closely, you'd see he was just itching to stop his sitting, listening, and smiling.

Girl #1- Miss Smartypants. She was the one who gave most of the answers all throughout class. She also gave each answer with confidence. If she didn't answer the questions my mom asked, then we just didn't get an answer to any questions.

Girl #2- The reverent one. She was good. Almost too good for a five year old. She sat so politely in her little chair. Silent. If you asked her direct questions, she'd give answers, in a sweet, small, reverent voice. This is the girl that listens closely to her parents. Maybe even copies what they do. She has been taught: When you come to church, you act super good. Fold those arms and bow that head a little. At the end of class when we colored, she was the only one that didn't draw a bunch of scribbles. She very neatly and carefully made a rainbow. And at the top she wrote, "TO: MOM".

Girl #3- The clueless one. She had big brown eyes. So big and round. She also had red hair. You gotta look out for those red heads.... She instantly became attached to me. So I prepared myself for the lap-sitting and grabbing of boobs that was ahead of me. She was cute. She was in her own world. All during Singing Time, she would randomly stand up and wander around the room, while watching the ceiling. She didn't really like church. She kept trying to escape. She wanted to go home. She told me she wanted to go home and eat her cereal. She was the one who couldn't keep still. She walked around, sat on the floor, sat on me. Toward the end of the lesson, she couldn't take it anymore. She got on the floor and acted like a tiger. She growled and tried going after "the reverent one" but got no reaction. So she went after my mom's legs, growling like an animal. She got a reaction. My mom squealed, and for a moment, I thought she was going to stand on top of her chair to escape from the tiger child.

I've been thinking about it, and church would be much more amusing if we could all just act like sunbeams. If we could sit on the floor. If we could sit on each other. If I could lift my dress above my head. If we all got fruit snacks halfway through the lesson. But I know this would not be right. I think sometimes it's hard for me because I didn't get all my misbehaving out as a primary child. I was very much like Girl #2 (see above). Yep, I was the reverent one back in my day. Believe it or not. Then as time went on, and I reached the age of leaving primary and heading to young women, I turned into Girl #1. I thought I had all the answers. And I started giving them willingly. Now that I'm "grown up" and going to Relief Society, I have turned into Girl #3. I am the clueless one. I haven't gotten so bad that I act like a tiger yet, but I can't sit still through three hours of church anymore. When we get about halfway through sacrament meeting, Shayla (my dear friend and protector) will usually give me her car keys to play with. Yes, I really am 19 years old. I'm not nine. Or six. I'm 19.

Also, just a sidenote to all this church chatter, I really am LDS. In the past couple months, I can't tell you how many people at school I've had ask me if I'm not LDS. This had never happened before. So what's different? I'm the same person I was a year ago. I'd like to believe I'm actually a better person than I was a year ago. Then I realized what it was. My hair. Ever since I chopped it off and tried a "Rihanna style cut", the questions have came to me, "Are you LDS?" Yes. I am. Very much so. I just don't have normal hair. Sorry. And sometimes I dress weird. Sorry again. But maybe that's exciting that people wonder if I'm LDS or not. Maybe next time I'm asked I'll answer, "No. I've heard of it though. Tell me more."

Don't judge a book by its cover, my friends.

Or a girl by her hair.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Trampoline Jumping in a Dress

This may sound improper. Trampoline jumping while wearing a dress. But I'm not talking about what's proper and what's not. I'm talking about taking little risks. I'm talking about taking something as simple as jumping on the tramp, and turning it into something unique. I use to think I had to grow up to be someone important. A big deal. I thought I had to impress people. I'm starting to get a little wiser though, and I'm realizing that being important has nothing to do with how big a deal you are. Every single person is someone important. The real trick is realizing for yourself just how important you are. I'm fiding out more and more about myself every day. I'm also realizing that every day can be made into something different. Something memorable.

Today I jumped on the tramp while wearing a dress. I love trampolines. They're possibly one of my more favorite things in the world. I also had steak on the grill. Steak is possibly one of my more favorite foods in the world. My dad made it for me. Possibly one of my more favorite guys in the world.
This weekend, I also had a fun sleepover. This sleepover was at Brian Weller's house. Brian is my "boyfriend". Not my boyfriend. "Boyfriend". There is a difference. I have never liked the word boyfriend. But that's a different story entirely, so we won't get into it. The weekend with him was an adventure. We went to a wedding reception in Sandy, and then ventured to his beautiful home in Eden. I like visiting there. His parents are such nice people, and I love Drake the dog. That night, we sat in the hot tub for a while. Before we went to bed, I managed to tear the shower curtain down. I felt bad. Luckily, I didn't do any permanent damage and I didn't get banished from the Weller house. Thank goodness. On Saturday morning, we got up early to watch the Ogden marathon. I was able to cheer on Amy and Kev (my amazing aunt and uncle). They ran in the half-marathon. Brian and I also went on a nature walk. Later that evening, we went to Robin Hood. I thought it was an awesome movie. It made me want to shoot bad guys with arrows and swing a huge sword around. Ok, not really. But kind of.

Tomorrow will be another adventure. I'm officially moving into my summer apartment. The past week has been great just being at home with my family. I'm really going to miss them. It feels like I'm moving away all over again. Trying to be a grown-up. But I'm also excited. I have much to look forward to. It's time to turn to a new chapter in my book. It won't be a dull chapter. That's for sure. I'll be doing much more of this trampoline jumping in a dress. . . .and other risky stuff.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I never worried about starting a blog until now. I thought it looked fun, but I figured I wasn't the type of person to have a blog. What types of people have blogs you ask?

1) People trying to sell you things. Like the lady that makes soap at her house. Then pretty soon she has too much soap, and her kids are sick of smelling like sugar cookies and/or flowers. So the lady thinks, "I'll start a blog and sell my delicious soap so the WHOLE WORLD will smell like baked goods!!"

2) People with little kids running around destroying things. But on the blogs you'd never guess the children destroy things. . .or that the M-O-M probably yells at them when they do. Because on this type of blog, there will just be beautiful pictures of the children and the mother will go off about her little angels.

3) Married people

4) People with a lot of emotions. They can write in journals all they want, but it doesn't help any because they want everyone to know what's up. Maybe it's Blogging Therapy or something like that. I guess if it makes these people feel better, then I'll let it fly.

5) People that are in secret clubs or gangs. It's like a "group blog". That way, if you aren't part of the group, you can look at the blog and feel left out. Then you can spend all your time trying to join a gang that has a "group blog" so you'll feel a sense of belonging. My mom has one of these "group blogs". It's "Weston 1st Ward Activity Days". . .or something like that. Every time she talks about uploading pictures to it, I feel really left out. Why doesn't she take me on bike rides, or teach me to eat healthy, or teach me to crochet?

I don't fall into any of these categories, so I never thought it appropriate for me to have my own blog.
  • I make things, but I'm pretty sure the only person who would buy any of it would be my mom, probably out of pity and love.

  • I don't have any children to brag about.

  • I'm not sick enough in the head yet to get married. . .plus I'm still really young.

  • I'm not overflowing with emotions. I once had a person tell me I have the brain of a boy. Go me. My life is not dramatic. It is simple and happy. And I like it.

  • I am not in a gang. However, maybe this will be the next goal on the list.

I have realized something though. If I want to start a blog, I can start a blog. Even if the only person that reads it is me. No one will stop me. Besides, I learned something while at college. Yes, I actually learned something. Looks like I'm getting my money's worth. I need to write more. Since I think I'm majoring somewhere in the journalism department, it's something I need to do. Write, write, write. So a blog might help. Any ways, here's my first entry to my blog. I'm now Kelsey Keller. . .the blogger. Man, I feel cool.