Tuesday, August 30, 2011

1 hot dog + heart shaped eggs + Brian = a nice day

Today was a better sort of day.

Brian decided to go to school today.

Since we are now Sam's Club members, we indulged in a very expensive lunch at the Club. We are dang cool. I think I witnessed more clumsy people knocking drinks over at that place than ever in my life. It's fine. The food was cheap. And who cares that we just bought groceries yesterday. It's not like they'll jump out of our fridge and run away.

And I ended the day with a heart shaped egg sandwich. Because I have the mind of a 7 year-old and need to be comforted through food. It worked though. I feel comforted.

Today was a pretty nice day. And the majority of days are actually quite nice. Really, only a handful are bad days. So overall, life is nice. You are nice. I'm nice. Your dog is nice. My heart shaped egg was nice until I ate it. Let's all remember all the nice things.

Let's hope Thursday will be an overwhelmingly nice day. Brian starts his Allstate agency. Yes, HIS. His name will be on the door. That's why he wears a tie to school nowadays. It's not so people confuse him as a professor. Although that does happen. So do not try to hand your homework in to him, but if you need some affordable insurance, call Brian up. We have been planning on this happening for a while now, but I just felt silly mentioning it on the blog. But now it is really happening and it will be a busy and big part of our lives. I feel so blessed that this opportunity came up for Bri. How nice.
Nice, nice, nice.

Truth Tuesday

Here I sit, in a computer lab surrounded by other students who are all diligently doing their homework. I, however, choose to blog on this fine Tuesday about some truths of mine.

  • Once upon a time, I was skilled in the art of getting up early. Now, however, I am struggling. I blame it on our bed. Darn that comfortable bed. Brian and I would probably be better off if we just sold that lovely yet cursed thing. We were given sleeping bags as a wedding gift. We can sleep in those instead. Then you can bet I'll be willing to get up at 6 or 7 to go on a morning run. No one likes to sleep on the floor for too long.

  • You know what scares me? Talking on the phone. I don't like talking to someone I can't see. It is intimidating. How am I supposed to take anyone serious if I can't even read their facial expressions? This fear occasionally causes me to just not answer my phone if I don't know the number calling me. I know that's awful. But if it's that important, they'll leave a message, right?

  • My big toenail finally fell off. Those grueling miles of uphill running in my Epic race finally did me in. For weeks it was cracked and then slowly cracked more and more until it was merely hanging on by the very edge of toenail. Disgusting, I know. Ever since I tore the nail off, I haven't been able to look at my left foot without being completely repulsed. The skin under my toenail is just not pretty. It's all shriveled and pink and ugly. It reminds me of a naked turtle. We all know naked turtles aren't pretty. Face it, I know everyone out there got a little freaked whenever Franklin the turtle was shown without his shell. Franklin without a shell turns him from a cute turtle in children's books to a complete shriveled monster.

  • Brian and I actually got in an argument about my falling off toenail. I kept snagging it on things, which was quite painful, and Brian kept demanding me to just tear it off. This angered me and I told him it was my toenail and I wanted it to fall off on its own terms.

  • We still have not put all our wedding gifts away. All these gifts have a home in our kitchen. It's not really a kitchen. More like a trophy room of all our gifts. Someday I'll be a good grown-up. But not today.

  • I really want to go camping. In a cute tent. With a cute lantern. Maybe this weekend??   
*Image from Pinterest

Monday, August 29, 2011

school girl

I went back to school today. As much as I'm trying to be excited about school starting again I'm just. .not.

If I could have one more month of summer, I think things would be good. Really good. However, Kelsey Keller Weller is not in charge of creating the calendar and it's a good thing or nothing would get done. Every day would probably be a holiday and everyone would play and eat yummy desserts.

So yeah, I went to my classes and realized that I felt very overwhelmed. And I still do feel overwhelmed. In the past, I go to class in the morning and I'm done by noon. Today I went to class in the morning and got home at 5. I got home at 5, crashed on the couch and ate a Fudge Round.

Why do I feel so overwhelmed? I believe it is because I am finally to that point that every college students dreams of. The moment you no longer are forced to take classes that you have zero interest in. The moment all the classes you take sound interesting and apply to your major. Yep, I'm to that moment. I should be happy, right? But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I might fail at things I think I'm good at.

But let's get real, I'm a real worrier and can be quite the drama queen when I want to be. I am sure once I get into my routine, I'll be lovin' life. I am so so blessed I even have the chance to gain a higher education.

So tomorrow I vow to not think about failure and not eat any more Fudge Rounds (at least tomorrow I won't eat one). It will be a better day. Especially since I have English 2010 with husband and Shay Baybay. How is that not a good day, really?

And Bri Guy took the traditional 'first day of school' pic for me. It just wouldn't be the first day of school without it. . .  
Not that it matters but: top-modcloth, skirt-homemade, sandals-Head Over Heels, earrings-Target

Oh, and Brian hates this shirt. He doesn't understand that peter pan collars are cool nowadays. He calls me Daisy Duck when I wear it. It's fine. His harassment only motivates me to wear it more. And usually these things end up growing on him.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

My Anchor-Part 7

The summer months wore on and just as the sun deepened our tans, our time together deepened our relationship. You could actually compare what our relationship was to a nice tan. All aglow, but in the back of my mind I'm worrying I might later develop skin cancer. Skin cancer and love. Such a nice comparison. But at this level in the game, love can be about as scary a thing as skin cancer. A girl isn't to know if she'll permanently be bronzed by love or end up in a lot of pain. We said 'I love you' for the first time on a warm summer night and the 'I love yous' grew to be more frequent. It felt nice. Then school started and with it, I started to get nervous. Nervous about all this 'love' and where it was taking us. Or where it was not taking us. And I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know if I wanted a boyfriend. I didn't know if I wanted to be single. And I didn't know if I wanted a fat diamond ring on my hand either.

* * * *

Labor Day. A day we don't have to go to school. A day Brian and I were going on a hike. We originally had a group of friends going on the hike but, of course, everyone bailed. So now it would just be Brian and I climbing to the top of Naomi Peak.

I shove the bag full of my delicious homemade trail mix inside the backpack. I doubled the recipe, which ended up being a pointless move on my part. I stare disgustingly at the bulging bag and think about how Brian and I will now have to eat this all by ourselves.
"You alright?" Brian's eyes are searching me as he climbs out of his truck.
"Oh, just peachy. I'm just wondering why no one wants to hike with us. Do we have a disease? Are we insanely annoying and we just don't know about it?"
Brian laughs and takes the backpack from me, "We probably gross them out. With all our PDA."
This is obviously a joke since Brian and I are rarely affectionate in public.
I smile and take in the view around me. The lake at Tony's Grove is beautiful. I can't wait to see how everything looks from the top of the peak.

We begin our climb up the trail. At first there is light conversation. Then silence. I have a lot on my mind. Maybe that is why I am so bitter that I'm doing this hike alone with Brian. Because we do things just us two a lot. However, things have been weird the last few days. I know he senses it. I also know I need to talk about what I'm feeling, but I've never been good at that sort of thing. Talking about my feelings. No matter how hard I try, they always seem to come out wrong. And when they come out all wrong, well, then it ends up confusing me about what I'm even feeling.

All I do know is that with the start of school, my other girlfriends have been running around with guys. New faces. But I'm not. I can't. I have a boyfriend. And I've dated this boyfriend for almost 8 months now. I absolutely love him. However, I feel it is getting to that point where something must happen. We need to decide what we are doing, because just plain dating for the heck of it might not cut it. I am beginning to think we need to either break up or start talking the 'M' word. Marriage that is. 

I then realize as we stop for our first water break that today is the day I must tell Brian these thoughts. Maybe no one came with us for a reason. That reason being that just the two of us need to have a serious talk. I silently pray to God, begging Him that I'll be able to bring up what I'm thinking and not totally slaughter my thoughts when putting them into words.

After our water break ends and we begin again up the mountain, I tell myself I'm going to bring it up by the time we make our next stop. I keep searching for the right words to start with. And you can bet I keep praying. Looks like God knows me all too well though, so He had Brian start the conversation instead. Brian turns to me with a serious look on his face,
"Kelsey. You've been acting different the past few days. I've been waiting for you to tell me what's wrong, but I think I'm going to have to ask. So. . .what's bothering you?"
Even though I have broke a sweat from this hike, I suddenly feel cold. Chills run up and down my legs. I force words, just any words, to come out of my mouth.
"I don't know if I can date like this anymore."
Brian looks at the ground. After a moment he mutters, "You don't want to date me anymore?"
"Well. . .not the way we are. I dunno. It's just. . .we've been dating a while now and I think we need to figure some things out," we again start climbing up the mountain and I slowly keep talking,
"And if we don't figure them out. . .maybe we shouldn't date anymore."

I feel as if Brian is not listening to me. I have probably hurt his feelings. Or maybe. . .maybe he doesn't feel the same. Maybe he doesn't intend to ever marry a girl like me. After all: I'm awkward, I'm kind of tacky, I'm not exactly the most colorful social butterfly on the block, and I am a little bit strange. Maybe he doesn't want a lifetime of that. Or should I say an eternity of that.

Maybe he wants a blonde-haired, tan, white-teethed girly thing. One that didn't grow up in the sticks like me. Maybe he wants someone that is friends with everyone and can whip up dinner like it's no body's business. Maybe he doesn't want me.
Maybe I'm just something different for a while. Something entertaining.

I don't know what to do anymore so I do the only thing I can think of. I grab Brian's hand and turn him toward me, "Brian. . .I love you. I love you so much." My voice starts to crack and I know I can't say anything else. So I don't. I just begin hiking again. Brian doesn't say anything either. We are quiet most of the way. I know we are both thinking. Reflecting.

* * * *

When we reach the top of the peak, I am in awe. The view is amazing. It seems from up on that peak, we can see the whole world below us. I feel myself smiling and I let out a deep sigh. Brian is doing the same. After taking some pictures, we find a place to eat our lunch. We perch ourselves on some big rocks overlooking the edge of the mountain. As we pull out our sandwiches, we keep discussing how amazing the hike has been. How incredible the view is. What a beautiful area we are living in. Then we go silent again as we eat our food. It is as if we remember again the conversation I brought up earlier. The conversation that led to nowhere.

Brian takes a gulp of Gatorade and then looks at me hard. I have never seen him so serious in all my life. I find myself fearing what it is he might say next. The thought again creeps in, Maybe he never really wanted me. . .
"Kelsey," Brian says, "I can't imagine myself being with any other girl."
The wind on the mountain feels quite chilly. I zip my jacket up to my neck.
"You make me happy. I've never met a girl quite like you. You're a free spirit. You make me want to. . .to live life as big as I can."
I wish I could zip this jacket up over my mouth to cover the smile that is forming on my lips.
For a moment, Brian turns and stares at the horizon. When he looks back at me, he says, "I want you to be my wife, Kels. I want to marry you. I just don't want it to happen quite yet."
I look into Brian's crystal clear blue eyes and let out a little laugh, "Me neither. I don't want it to happen yet either. I just wanted to know," I look out to the horizon where Brian was focusing moments before, "I'm not saying we have to get married next month or anything. I just wanted to know if you. . .felt the same way as me. Because I want to marry you too."
We both then let out laughs. Here we are. Sitting on top of the world. Knowing that we're going to get married. Eventually. And it feels good just to know. To have some closure.

As we clean up our garbage and stand to make our way back down the mountain, I think about how silly I was to wonder earlier if Brian even wanted me. I hope he knows how much I want him. Forever. "Brian," he turns and looks at me, "I want you to know that you are my best friend in the whole world. I have never felt so accepted by anyone. Thank you. . .for being a great person. You really are."

Brian smiles and I know he means it. I was wrong earlier. Brian wants to marry someone that makes him happy. Someone that can turn simple and ordinary things into adventures. Someone that is a little out of the ordinary. Someone who has flaws. And that someone is me. And I'm so glad that I'm his someone.

My hand reaches out and softly slides into his. I feel happy here. I feel safe.     

The Rockstar is Legal. Watch Out.

So I have this cousin. Her name is Megan.

Yesterday was Megan's birthday.
She turned 21.
Which is a big deal.
So here are 21 random facts about Mego. . .

1. Megan can make friends with pretty much anyone. She would probably become friends with a rock if it was possible. 

2. She is really good at doing makeup. She is the one that taught me how to apply eyeliner. She taught me that my first year at college. That will tell you how pathetic I am sometimes. I am still no expert, but I have a general idea of how to do it thanks to her.

3. She can talk. A lot. Which is a good thing. It eliminates any awkward pauses to the conversation.

4. She is humorous. She can laugh at just about any situation and make others laugh too.

5. Megan is the greatest at telling stories. She somehow grabs everyones' attention with her dramatic and usually funny stories.

6. She is a great comforter. I usually keep my icky, sad feelings bottled up. But when I let them out, she is usually around. And she comes to the rescue with plenty of candy.

7. She sincerely likes helping people if they have any kind of problem.

8. She wears colorful clothes. Colorful clothes that shout, "The world is a happy and good place! Buy an ice cream cone!"

9. Megs is fun to shop with. She is one of those shoppers that will pull things off the hanger that she thinks you will like, and then she demands that you try them on. It's awesome.

10. She throws out compliments like they're candy at a parade.

11. She loves cupcakes. So give her one, and she'll be your friend.

12. She likes having deep conversations.

13. Sometimes she snorts when she laughs.

14. I think she wanted me and Brian to get married more than anyone (besides maybe my sister, Lex). She gets a lot of credit for the two of us dating actually. At the start of our relationship, she was constantly giving Brian pointers. Funny to look back on now.

15. She loves her birthday! Probably about as much as I love birthdays.

16. Megan is not afraid to speak her mind.

17. She makes me be more girly on occasion.

18. She has long and gorgeous eye lashes.

19. Megan was always my cousin that lived far away when we were kids. Now she is the family member that lives very closest to me and probably the cousin I see the most. Funny how things change.

20. She used to make fun of me in high school when I dated a boy that was a year younger than me. Guess what? She married a guy who is younger than her. But it's okay because Drew is a keeper.

21. Megan and I will probably start a book club when we're old ladies. We like books. And we like to talk about them.

Loves to you, dear Mego. You can't go out and get drunk. And you also can't become an LDS lady missionary. But you can still party. And I know you will.  

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Girl is a Teen!

Today my little sister, Alexis (or Lexi as we call her) turned 13. Brian and I got her a gym bag, volleyball and gatorades since she is starting 7th grade volleyball this year. I can't believe my little sis is already a teenager. I'm a married woman and my sister is a teen. Before you know it the world is going to end.

Before the day ends though, and her birthday is over, I would like to list off 13 facts about Lex. 13 because she just turned 13, naturally.

1. She can sell anything to anyone. She could probably sell shoes to a legless man even.

2. They say an elephant never forgets? No, Lexi never forgets.

3. She is a fireball. A spunky fireball.

4. She has a good heart and always thinks of others.

5. She is quite the dare devil. You should see her round-off backhand spring.

6. She is very reliable. If you want something done and done well, turn to Alexis.

7. She likes horses.

8. She can make anyone roll on the floor with laughter. Usually because she says outrageous things.

9. She is good at taking care of people. When we go to an old folks' home, they beg for the pretty, little girl to stay.

10. I take credit for naming her. After she was born, I went to school and told everyone her name was Alexis. My parents didn't have much choice after that.

11. She makes an awesome chocolate chip cookie.

12. She has an endless amount of energy. She is always go-go-going and always wants to be somewhere doing something.

13. Maybe she gets all that energy from sleeping in until noon. That girl can sleep the morning away! but she is a teenager now. She needs her beauty sleep.

Happy Birthday, pretty girl! I love you a whole bunch!

(As a sidenote: It was also my cousin, Megan's birthday today. More to come on her probably tomorrow. I didn't forget you, Meg.)

Monday, August 22, 2011

A Belated Birthday Wish. To a Very Special Woman.

Since I've been MIA from the world wide web basically this whole wonderful month of August, I missed a very important birthday. It was exactly a week ago that it happened.


To the lady with the contagious laugh.
The the lady who is constantly making sacrifices so others can have more.
The lady who is as strong as a mule, and sometimes as stubborn too (but she's much cuter than a mule).
The lady who flaunts some major style.
The lady who is a true optimist and always sees the happy in things. 

To my mom. Thanks for sharing your clothes with me and showing me how to be a good person.
I love you.  

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A Boring But Necessary Update

As I was leaving Weston, Idaho yesterday Logan-bound, I got stopped at some road construction. I don't know if any of you have ever visited Weston but it's not exactly a hopping busy place. The most traffic ever passing through is a couple cars stuck behind a tractor maybe. With this being said, I was the only vehicle stopped. The guy holding the stop sign looked bored to death. He was probably just a few years older than I.

"It'll be less than a 5 minute wait."

"Okay. Sounds good. I'm not in a rush." (even though I kinda was)

The bored guy ended up being bored enough that he decided to strike up conversation with me,

"You moving away to college or something?"

For a moment, I was very confused. Then I glanced over to the passenger seat which was piled to the ceiling with all my clothes (I have a sick obsession with clothing, people. It's unhealthy).

"Oh, er, I just got married," I replied.

"Well, congratulations," the guy said like it was the most exciting thing he'd heard all day. Which it probably was.

I thanked him and then went on to ask him how he liked his job, and I kept noticing how red his nose looked. I wanted to offer him some sunscreen. But that's besides the point.

The point is. . .I am now a married woman.

The wedding was a dream. My family and friends put forth so much effort to make our day the most special. I love them for it so much that my insides want to burst. But that would hurt and probably kill me, so I won't love so hard that they burst. No need to worry.

It is strange to all the sudden be thrown in an apartment with a man and call him your husband. I am realizing that being married will indeed be different than just dating. Not so different it's scary. But more different than I thought. Besides marriage being different and strange, it is also a lot of fun and I am so happy. I am now Mrs. Kelsey Keller Weller. And I love it. But just like Weston's roads are under construction, my life along with my blog is under a bit of construction as well. I wanted to finish my anchor posts before the wedding, but who would have thought I'd be too busy to blog the week of my wedding? Well, I was. And the posts are not done yet. So I will try my best to finish them up so I can blog about the wedding and then move on with life. Forgive me for the blogging drought. Also, we're going on our honeymoon to Glacier National Park next week, so you may experience another drought.

I also really need to get this apartment organized. And learn how to cook. Someone find me some motivation, pretty please.