I don't want to sound depressing, because I am not depressed.
And I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I am very grateful.
I am just a happy camper of a girl. I love life.
However, I wouldn't say I am exactly. . . .content.
You know those times when you can't remember someone's name for the life of you, and it is on the edge of your tongue? And you go through the alphabet three or four times just trying to remember the letter that the name starts with?
I am having one of those moments in my life right now.
I know there is something I should be embracing and doing that would begin to. . .well. . .define my life. The problem is, I don't know what that thing is.
A new semester has started this week. I didn't even feel like I was going back to school. I didn't get those back-to-school-butterflies in my tummy the night before. I just woke up like it was a regular day and carried out my planned schedule. This is the first time this has EVER happened to me. I always get excited for my first day of school. Maybe I feel this way because I have no journalism classes this semester. Or maybe it's this freezing, cold weather. I don't know. But it irritates me. Still, school is good. I love USU. I love the people I am surrounded by when I am here.
I have been trying really hard the past few days to figure out what it is I should be doing. However, I still have not figured it out. Something is missing, and I don't want to miss it anymore. I know I should stop forcing myself to somehow fill this empty space, but I am getting obsessed.
It's like when you are doing a puzzle and you keep trying to put in a piece that doesn't fit. You know it doesn't go in that place where you keep pressuring it to go, it isn't the right shape at all, yet you keep rotating it around, hoping it will decide to fit.
Boo, Kelsey. Put the pieces down and just take a deep breath. Maybe I'll spot out that magical piece on the table with all the other puzzle pieces. Then it will no longer be just another puzzle piece. It will be the one that fits.
I am going to try to not force anything and just keep my eyes open for opportunity. Good things are coming my way. I am sure of that.
Maybe I should start writing a book. . .or try writing for the school paper. . .or volunteer somewhere. Hmmm.
Two more months until spring break. Mexican Riviera cruise, here I come!