Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Quest of Buying Groceries

Grocery shopping.
It is one of the few things I despise.
I love food though.
So you'd think a huge store full of all kinds of food would be heaven on earth for me, right?

It is something I am very bad at indeed. Something I put off for as long as possible. Today I had no choice but to make the great journey to Smith's. My cupboards were running bare and I was running out of options for food. I mean, I had an end piece of bread with peanut butter smeared on it for breakfast. That is not the ideal Kelsey breakfast. End pieces of bread are saved for feeding ducks. I am not supposed to actually eat those.

So I set foot in the store. Not alone of course. I avoid going grocery shopping alone at all costs.


Well, because I get distracted easily. And I never understand how exactly grocery stores organize everything, so I wander around for great amounts of time trying to locate the refried beans.

Really, I am a huge mess when it comes to grocery shopping.

I even worked in a grocery store one summer! I liked it alright, but I was not extremely skilled at my job. There were countless times ladies came through my register with strange vegetables I had never set my eyes on before. I would stare at the thing, totally stumped to what it could be, and then I would ask the lady, defeated-like, what the strange plant was called.

Or there was the time a guy asked for something and I was searching for the price of it on my list of 'soil and gardening supplies' only to discover it was a brand of cigarettes. Boy, did I feel like an idiot.

Some more of my grocery shopper problems. . .

Without fail, I always forget my 'go green' grocery bags, which means I am forced into getting more of those ugly plastic bags.

Also, I have finally learned that grabbing a cart as you come in is okay. For a while, I stuck to using the grocery baskets, only to fill it so full with food I thought the handle might break. I now just get the cart the first time. I have learned from past mistakes.

I do not know how to shop for food either. I have this phobia of spending money. At the grocery store, I look around and all I see is food I want to stuff my face with, along with prices. Prices. So many prices. Sometimes I try to make a grocery list, but that never works out as well as I imagine it to.

Also, I have been eating healthy lately. Which has caused me to eat less. Which is causing me to lose weight. My legs are getting scrawny. I have never had scrawny legs. I refuse to have scrawny legs. Yes, I actually feel like I am getting too skinny. So enough with the health foods. Bring on the beef, carbs, and muscle milk. Bring on the protein. I won't lie, eating healthy is not fun. For me, eating is one of the many things that makes life interesting and amusing. There is nothing interesting or amusing about eating a bowl of granola. Or a plate of peas and carrots. That, my friends, is boring and sad food. No offense to granola, peas, and carrots. They are like those friends that you like to check up on once in a while, but when you hang out with them it is kind of painful.

I have gotten very bored with eating healthy. It has gotten to the point that I do not even want to waste time eating because I get so bored. Sad, huh? So I am starting to buy a few more fatty foods to mix with my healthy foods. Bring on a couple pounds!

Another horrible thing about grocery shopping, is that I tend to forget my pin number right as I swipe my card to pay. I realize it is pretty pathetic for an 'adult' like myself to forget my pin, but it has happened more than once. Then I have to press the different possibilities of buttons until it works. Yes, that has actually happened to me.
Today I conquered the quest of buying groceries. Hopefully I will not return for a while. At least now I am excited to eat in the morning. I have all kinds of new and exciting foods stacked in my cupboard.

Also, when I was picking a head of lettuce, the rain makers came on. I don't know what they are really called. I am sure the correct name for them is NOT rain makers though. It sounds better than saying the sprayer-things-that-water-the-fruits-and-veggies though. They came right on and sprayed my hands. And I laughed a little, because I remembered how I would wait for them to come on when I was a kid. That is back when grocery shopping was fun for me. When I got to follow Mom around and I always got to pick out a treat after the shopping was through.

Maybe I should start rewarding myself with a treat like old times. Positive reinforcement is always good.

Oh, I just remembered grocery shopping was not always fun when I was a kid. The first time I cracked my chin open (it's been cracked open three times) I was in a grocery store. I was playing around on the front of the cart like little kids do, and whacked my chin pretty hard. I faintly remember it happening actually. Blood everywhere and I was screaming. I think the cashier was mad too, but maybe I am just making that up.

Now I am just rambling. That means it is time to stop. I will blame this whole post on aftershock from grocery shopping.

I know this picture is creepy. That's the whole point.


  1. I am so happy that you are eating! Grocery shopping is the worst, but it has to be done. Especially if you like to eat the way you've been taught. And, you almost got the story right. You were climbing on the side of the cart, and it tipped over. There was a lot of blood. And, the cashier was definitely irritated because I wasn't watching my child like I should have been. Did you buy oreos? Go enjoy some oreos and milk! Love you!

  2. I actually did a speech for my public speaking class a few weeks ago on how to properly grocery shop. Even though it seemed like an awful topic, it ended up being hilarious. I wish you could have listened to it!


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