Sunday, September 5, 2010

I Can't Quite Reach

I would like to think that I'm not very girly or dramatic. I keep things pretty simple most of the time. No matter how not girly I am though, I'm still a girl. And on occasion I act like a girly-girly-girl. Last night was one of those occasions. My life is great. I'm having such a blast and I'm excited for what is to come. But out of nowhere last night, I began feeling overwhelmed with all the tough choices I have to make in life.

Yesterday, I went out and bought myself a new camera. My old one finally broke down and died on me, so I made an emergency trip to Best Buy and Staples the next day to check out their cameras. Just a couple things about me, so you'll realize how hard this shopping trip was for me. . . .

1. I'm the most indecisive person you will ever meet. I can never make up my mind about big decisions. And little ones too.

2. I am cheap. I hate spending money. It makes me want to hyperventilate when I spend in big amounts. The benefit is that I am not broke. I actually have a good amount of money for myself stored away. I'll probably be that old lady that dies one day and they find millions of dollars stored under the baseboards of her house.

Ok, now two things to know about camera shopping. . . .

1. There are so many different types of cameras, it's not even funny. Different brands. Different types of the brands. Different versions of the types. Different versions also have different features. And of course, there are many different colors to choose from when buying a camera. Yes, the color of the camera plays into this as well.

2. Cameras are not cheap.

I was in awe when looking through the selection of cameras. My jaw dropped and eyes widened, first of all, when I saw the selection and wondered how I would just choose one. My jaw dropped even more and my eyes somehow got wider when I noticed some of the prices. Oh baby, oh baby. It took me a long time, but I finally chose a good camera. And I'm happy with my choice. It wasn't ridiculously expensive, but not the cheapest one there. It has some neat features, but mostly just ones that I will use. It fits my needs. That was what was important to me when buying my camera: I just wanted to buy one that would fit my needs for now. It's also cute and blue might I add. . .and I really wanted a cute one.

Last night, I suddenly felt like I was in a Best Buy on steroids, one with millions of shelves of cameras. One that it would take days to look through all the cameras you might want to purchase. But I'm not really talking about cameras here. . .I'm talking about life. And all my options. Sometimes I wish I could fill my arms up with many different options and just run out of the store with them. But no, that would be called stealing. And I don't have the kind of money to afford all those different options. No one has that kind of money when it comes to life. So there I was last night, when it struck me,

"Do I want to purchase what I'm thinking of putting in my shopping cart?"

Do I want a life with so many features, I don't even know what to do with them all? Or do I want a life that will fit my needs? Do I want to sacrifice much so I can have something that is really nice and not many people have it? Or do I want to sacrifice a decent amount and have something I will be able to enjoy?

Oh yeah, and does life come in different colors too?

It's all a bit overwhelming.

When I was in Best Buy, I had to use the restroom. When I went over to wash my hands, there was a little girl at the other sink. Attempting to wash her hands. She was pretty little. Probably five or so. She was lifting herself onto the counter in order to reach the soap dispenser. Her arm was stretched as far as it could go and then some. She had a strained look on her face. Me, being the evil person I am sometimes, stood and watched her with an amused look on my face. I started wondering how long she'd been trying to get some soap on her hand. She finally reached the soap dispenser and succeeded in getting soap on her hand. . .and all over the counter as well. Now the next task, turning on the sink. She had a sad/angry look on her face when she realized she now had to reach the sink handle and twist it to the on position. I felt like laughing, but I was sad for her at the same time. So I finally quit being evil.

"Do you need some help?"

She looked at my reflection in the mirror, scrunched her nose up, and nodded yes. I turned the sink on for her and made sure the water was a nice temperature. Then I asked,

"Can you turn it off by yourself?"

She gave me the head nod once again.

So I departed from the bathroom, laughing just a little bit.

I'm like that little girl lots of times in my life. I want to act bigger than I really am sometimes. And I hate asking for help when it comes to my weaknesses. Over and over again, I will be reaching for the sink and soap to wash my hands for several minutes (not literally, but you know what I mean) while many people pass that would more than likely help me. All I have to do is ask.

Last night, in all my anguish before I crawled in my bed, I asked. I asked Him for help, and it felt real nice after. I know if I keep asking and just keep my cool, everything will work out. I'll get my hands clean eventually and I'll make up this darn mind of mine.

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