I Need You Like a Heart Needs a Beat

One year ago, I lost my GG. GG would be my great grandma. But she's always just been GG to me. I guess when I was younger, my grandma was trying to get me to say Great Grandma, but all I could wrap my young mind around was GG. Ever since then it has stuck. Losing her was hard. I guess that makes me sound pretty pathetic. I should be grateful I even had the chance to spend time with my great grandma since I know many people that never even knew their grandparents, let alone great grandparents. Yet it was still hard for me. It was the first time I had really lost anyone. I lost another set of great grandparents and an uncle when I was just little, but at that age I didn't understand the concept of death. Losing GG, I understood. I think the timing, more than anything, was hard for me. I felt like I was losing a lot of things, and lots of things around me were changing. I remember feeling homesick and alone being at college. I remember how I couldn't get a date, because I felt shy and I was always in sweats and gross from track workouts. I remember feeling lost. Lost in life, not knowing what I wanted. Then I lost an important person in my life. GG.

I always felt like I was pretty close to GG. I loved mowing her lawn in the summer time. More so, I loved what happened after I finished mowing. Whenever I would get close to being done with the grass, GG would come outside and pull her little table and two chairs out of the garage. By the time I was finished, she would call me to my chair where a glass of Pepsi and my money would be waiting for me. We would sip Pepsi and watch the sun go down, while GG told me stories. Stories from her amazing life.

A lady can get a lot done in over 90 years of living, and GG was one to get things done. She loved her garden and was always out working in it. She was an outstanding cook, her cookie jar was always full. And I've often heard the story about the time she went water skiing when she was in her 70's. And they thought she was too old ;). She was a feisty little thing, and if you told her she couldn't do something, she'd prove you wrong.

I always admired GG's strength. She did hard things all the time, but I never remember her complaining too much. I want to talk about some of her examples of strength. . .

She loved to read, but had glaucoma. Glaucoma isn't kind to old eyes. But that didn't stop her. She would still read with a huge magnifying glass. She read like that all the way up to her last few years when she was practically blind. I remember her telling me how much she loved "Gone With the Wind". I still need to read it, GG dear.

Her husband passed away when he was only 50 from an unexpected heart attack. For almost half her life, she was a widow. After all my visits to her little, brick house, I would always think about how lonely that would be. I think maybe that's why I wandered to her house as often as I did. I hated thinking of her being lonely, even if she didn't admit to it. She learned to live alone and enjoy things alone. She did some traveling too, which makes me smile.

She lived through the Great Depression. She lived through World War I. She lived through Vietnam. She saw it all. When people struggled through the Great Depression, she got her degree at Utah State University. Yep, she graduated from college. Women never did that, it was unheard of. Leave it to GG to prove someone wrong. She was a farmer's wife too. She raised her little family out on the farm, taking care of the home.

The example of her strength that tears me apart the most, is when she chose to live at the Nursing Home. She was too stubborn to allow her family to take care of her. She still completely had her mind, and I know many of the people at the Nursing Home really tested her patience. She hated it there. She hated having to sit in that miserable little room. I wish I would have visited her there more.

The last few months of her life, she really went downhill. I remember feeling like I really needed to drive from Logan to Preston some afternoon to visit her. So I did once. The whole time she was pretty bitter. She kept talking about how she was ready to go. She kept saying things that didn't make sense, and GG had always made sense before. When I gave her a hug good bye, she softened up and told me how good it was to see me and she asked me to come back again soon. As I left she waved her wrinkled hand at me and said in her sweet voice, "Bye now." She always said that when you left. It was like she was saying bye, but not for good. Like there would always be a next time.

I saw her one last time after that visit before she died. My mom called me and said she wasn't doing too good and they were basically waiting for her to die. It broke my heart, but at the same time, I had to be happy for her because she was sick of living life with no meaning. She was ready to see her husband again after being apart so long. I knew it was a happy thing for her. The only reason she lived so long I think, is because she wanted to die so bad in her later years. Our family paid her a visit that weekend, and it wasn't the normal GG we went to visit. She didn't make any sense at all. She was looking around the whole time as if she was lost. She kept talking about how Weldon (her husband) came to tell her it was time to go with him. As our family sat there, I fought back tears seeing this lady I loved so much being so confused and lost. But as we got up to go, the same thing happened that always does. For one small moment, our GG came back as she gave us her wave and said, "Bye now." And I know that she was saying bye right then, but not for good. There will be a next time, and a very happy next time it will be.

Our family's Pepsi Toast in honor of GG at her viewing. I bet she loved that.

GG's dress. She gave this special dress to me. I decided it was more than appropriate to wear it to the funeral.

The Summer's Out of Reach

This week marked the official end of summer and start of fall. It's a little bittersweet, which is weird. I'm not one of those summer obsessed people. I like it, but fall is my favorite season by far. So I should be totally excited, right? I am excited, but I'm just realizing how change is such a constant thing. I am the type of person who loves change. Maybe that's one of the reasons I am in love with fall. I love how something in the air changes. The colors of the leaves change. The world turns crunchy beneath my feet. I love it. But lately, I've been more afraid of change than usual. Things are starting to change, and I want to just pretend that I don't realize it's happening. Too bad you can only pretend for so long. . .

One thing I love about summer is jumping into bodies of water. I see a body of water and I'm instantly pulled towards it. I don't really know why I find so much joy in throwing myself into water, but I do. Whether I'm jumping off of rocks, bridges, docks, or out of trees, I like it lots. This week the weather has been very nice and warm, and as fall is coming for a short visit before winter, I realized that there might not be many more warm days left for me. I decided I had to jump into some water, since it might be the last time of the year. I had a break in between my classes, so Brian and I headed to one of my favorite places: First Dam. As I climbed over the dock rail, and stood on the very edge of the wooden boards, a feeling of pure happiness washed over me. I felt like a little kid with a big grin on my face. Brian said he would jump when I did. That was a lie. I jumped and he watched. As my body slid inside the pond water, every bit of me came alive. Basically because the water was ice cold. Talk about a rush. Cold water is a rush. I swam to the top and let out a yelp. Brian jumped before he saw my reaction to the water temperature. Ha ha, sucker. I swam over to him. We were both whimpering from the cold. As we climbed back onto firm ground, I can't even explain how I felt. The water had woken me up. All the way down to my bones.

I feel it was a good way to say so long to summer. And such a good summer it was. I guess I have to learn to say goodbye to some things, no matter how wonderful they are. There comes a time in life that you must go your separate ways. Also, I'm glad I took a plunge into First Dam, even though the water was much colder than expected. I guess I learned that there are times in life that you must plunge into the unknown. I may not feel ready for the plunge. But sitting on the edge of the dock and waiting to be ready is a waste of time. Doing that, I may never be ready. And I might just end up missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to me.

An Elephant's Faithful. . .100%

I had the awesome opportunity to teach Relief Society on Sunday. Boy, was I scared! But at the same time, I really loved it! I love getting to prepare for things and teach myself more about certain topics, and it's super rewarding to get to pass on what I found to others. I swear the girls in my ward are all perfect, little angels though. So I felt extremely inadequate to try teaching them something.


Inadequate to the max.


I think all went well though. They didn't tell me never to come back, so that's a good sign. I really want to just share a few things I learned about on my blog though. Because I'm in LOVE with the topic I got to teach about. It's a topic that all of us use in our lives every single day! People that would like to think they aren't religious even use it.

It's called FAITH.


All those crazy LDS people like me out there probably remember singing that song in Primary,


"Faith is like a little seed. If planted it will grow. ."


There is also this scripture, which is quite nice:


Alma 32:21

And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.


Hmmm, so let's think about this. When we plant a seed, don't we expect that if we take care of it in the right ways, it will grow into a flower? Or maybe you planted a pumpkin, so it will grow into a pumpkin. Whatever the heck you planted, that's what you expect to grow. Don't you have faith then? Because you can't see it yet. . .but you hope for it. . .and it happens.

You wanna hear about the best Family Home Evening ever given? This is a little off topic, but not really, plus it's hilarious. Over the summer, my family had the chance to teach FHE to the old folk at the assisted living center. Brian and I got pulled into helping, but it was fun. He played the guitar and we sang together. Anyways, we were to teach them about faith. My mom had this cute idea of letting the old people plant their own seed in a cup of dirt, and then they could watch it grow. They would then have a flower to enjoy in their little rooms. Well, as you might know, these older people get various pills handed to them throughout the day. Some of them can't see very well, and maybe some are a little loopy (I hope I'm loopy when I get old). So as we handed out these cups of dirt, and then a seed, they automatically thought it was pill time. We had old folk everywhere eating their seeds. It was rather hilarious, I thought. You don't have to go around eating your faith though. But it is something you can develop. By working at it. You have to want it. You can't just sit and wait for it to grow. Same with the plant. If you don't water it and keep pesky bugs away, your seed might just die. To be faithful, you need to take action and do good things in the life that is yours.


I like Horton from the children's book, Horton Hears a Who. I think he's a very humble character. He is also very faithful. His motto is actually,

"I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful, 100%."


Even when all the animals in the jungle think that Horton is a nutcase, he still sticks by his story. He knows something is on the speck he found. He WILL NOT deny it. Such a sad story this would have been if Horton would have denied what he had faith in. All the Whos in Whoville would have died! And I love Whos!

Especially this one!

I really would like to end this entry by sharing the following video. It is one of my favorite churchy videos ever. Probably because the people involved in the video are so close to my heart. It's a tender spot for me. After going to Ethiopia, I know I have a lot of things to work on. The people of Ethiopia have faith that could slaughter mine. Even though the man in this video, Anthony, has passed, I am forever grateful to him. I love him and hope I can tell him thanks for showing such an amazing example of faith. He made change in Africa possible. I'll tell him. Someday. . . Enjoy. Make sure you have tissues nearby. You may just cry.

Go out there and show some faith now. I don't care what you have faith in. Whether it be in a higher being, a flower growing, that you'll wake up in the morning when you go to sleep at night, that you'll accomplish all your dreams. . .just have a little faith. You can have faith that some Whos live on a speck even. Just find some faith and let it glow.

Now for that video. . . . . .

Green Beans

You know when you have one of those days that it seems like the whole world hates you? Like every possible thing that could go wrong. . .goes wrong. And all day you just pray for the day to go by fast so it can end? Like you wanna go crawl in your bed and hide? Or throw dishes at the wall so you can break something, just to feel it break? Yeah, we've all had a day like that. And to put it plainly, those days just suck. I had a bad day like that, but it didn't end. One bad day turned into about four bad days. So I've basically had a bad week. As if bad days aren't bad enough.

My stress level has been through the roof this week. I am the kind of person who has a high tolerance for stress might I add. Things can go wrong for me that would freak other people out, but things don't really get to me that easily. I feel like I'm pretty good about shaking things off. I know how to roll with whatever happens and make the best of it. Sometimes this probably isn't good, because things that should worry me, don't. I also like being busy, so I take on tons of tasks all at once, and I actually like it. But I guess this week, my pile of tasks got too high and too many things that didn't go my way knocked my pile of tasks to the floor (that sentence sounds awkward, but I don't care. We accept awkward people so we should accept awkward sentences sometimes).

I could make a mega long list of everything that lashed out on me this week, but I won't. I don't want to bore you and I really hate complainers, and I would not want to have to hate myself. So just be creative and think of a zombie Kelsey with no sleep walking about, and you can create for yourself bad things that happened to me. That will be much more fun for everyone. So if you secretly don't like me and you're reading this, feel free to drop a piano on me if you will.

However, Wednesday night, as I was feeling bad for myself and wondering what could go wrong next, I started doing some serious thinking. Maybe everything bad was happening to me because I was looking for the bad. Instead of looking for any good, I was putting all my focus on the horrible. Instead of trying to be happy, I was choosing to drown in a bathtub of my self-pity.

Happiness really is a choice, my friends.

Just as I was thinking this, I watched as a shooting star shot across the sky. Look at that, a wish for me! At this time, I was driving home to Weston, so I could go to my 7:30 am hair appointment (who needs sleep, right?). When I turned on our lane to drive up the hill, I felt a huge smile creep onto my sleepy face. My dog, Ringo was greeting me. Ringo loves me, I won't even try and deny it. Every time, without fail, that I come home, he runs to the bottom of the hill and then runs back up alongside my van. He did this like he does every other time. When I threw the van in park after I pulled into our driveway, I saw Ringo sitting patiently by my door, just like always. I smiled because I knew what would happen next. I threw the door open and Ringo jumped inside, onto my lap. I felt important having someone so excited to see me, even if it was just a dog. My other dog, with only three legs, greeted me shortly after. I love my puppies.

The next morning, I found some more happy things waiting for me to find them. Before I stepped inside my van, I looked at the mountain right behind our house, and my jaw dropped. The mountain is covered with trees, and the leaves are all changing colors. The mountain was illuminated with oranges, reds, and yellows. Then I remembered a time when I was younger, and that mountain was bare of all trees, due to a horrible fire caused by a summer lightening storm. That mountain has came a long way since then.

Then, I drove down the road a ways to find another pleasant surprise. The sun hadn't been up long, so everything was bright. I looked past the rays of sun to see two baby deer in the road. They were quite young, and so adorable. I scared them pretty bad, and they didn't know what to do. They ran one direction, then the other, then the other. I looked around and saw no mommy. Mommy deer are always close to their babies. Then I noticed lying in the weeds, a dead deer. Probably the mommy. That made me sad. "At least when I feel lost, I have a mommy," I thought.

The rest of the day, I tried looking for more good things, and I found quite a few:

1. I got my hair colored, and it feels nice.






2. I think I did well on my video editing quiz. I think.






3. Shayla let me have a yummy muffin she made.






4. I wore my new shirt which was only $7 and is super cute. I got several compliments on it as well.






5. My mom bought me owl earrings.






6. I felt the warm sun on my shoulders.






7. I played volleyball.






8. My boss gave me a rootbeer float AND a doughnut.






9. Brian made me dinner.






10. Brian took me to a movie.






11. Brian bought me a Mountain Dew and TWO candy bars for the movie.






12. Brian didn't dump me after I randomly started crying at the end of the night.
    

So this week was a little rough, but things are getting better. They always do. I decided it's kind of like green beans. I hate green beans. I think they are disgusting. And I am not picky when it comes to food. I will eat them, but I don't particularly love them.

But I remember when I was little, and I never wanted to finish my green beans. My dad would always say,

"You can't have dessert until you finish ALL your green beans."

ALL of them? Seriously? And taking dessert away from me was like the worst thing possible. So I'd gag those green beans down so I could have whatever dessert my mom had made. Every time the green beans started to taste real bad, I would think about the taste of chocolate I could soon have in my mouth. It always helped. Always.

My week has been a plate full of green beans, but it sure is easier when I think of the chocolate I'll eat when the beans are all gone. And I'll be having that chocolate soon.

DATE NIGHT

Mix Tape

I was listening to a song called "Meet Virginia" by Train. Good song. But Virginia is a little weird. It sounds like she is stuck in a life she doesn't want to be in. She tries living it a little differently than she's expected to. There is a line in the song that I can't help but laugh at, because it sounds exactly like something I would do:

"She only drinks coffee at midnight when the timing is not right. Her timing is quite unusual."

I do not drink coffee, but I'm sure if I did, I would probably end up drinking it at a silly time like midnight. My timing for things is just bad. Always. I don't know what my deal is. My timing is unusual in just about every way. Like I'll decide I want to go sleep outside somewhere when it's already dark. Or I'll have the urge to just jump in a body of water when it's cold and windy outside. Or I'll wear a new sweater I can't wait to wear when it's hot outside. Or many times I've liked a boy and then they decide they like me months later when I don't like them anymore. . .but maybe that's their bad timing. Hmmmmm. But all-in-all, my timing just stinks. I think a big part of this is because I'm super impulsive!

I don't think I'm a stupid person. . . .but I just don't ever think things through real well. I get an idea in this head of mine and think I instantly need to act.

So I am just thankful for all those people that use their heads, and still put up with the girl that loses her head (that's me!).

I am thankful for these two chicas:

Catherine and Dev hung out with me at the football game on Saturday. We ate a delicious steak dinner after. By this time it was almost midnight, but I got the idea in my head that I wanted to make cupcakes on Sunday afternoon. So they went to the grocery store with me, and we raced around finding what I needed before the clock would strike midnight and we would be breaking the sabbath. Thanks girls!

Oh, and the cupcakes turned out pretty cute:

They are little owl cupcakes :)

I am also thankful for my pal:

He puts up with a lot from me. But he has yet to kick me to the curb. He is smart so he's real awesome at making my random ideas turn into random real life acts. I know sometimes he probably seriously wonders if he's dating a girl that has lost her mind. But he always just shakes his head and smiles. He stops whatever I leave on the stove from burning when I run to look for something in my room. He helps me with my math even when I leave it until eleven at night. Be jealous girls: I have the world's best boyfriend.

I am so grateful for my family for dealing with me when I decide to come home at last minute. I love them with everything that is inside of me:

My mom is especially great. She has so much patience with me. She still loves me when I decide I want to do loads of laundry in the dead of the night, when I ask her to grab me one of her recipes right before I'm leaving, or when I want to steal her computer for a minute to look up something pointless.

I am also thankful for my Shay Baybay!

She tends to be pretty practical and down to earth about life. I wish I could be more like that. Maybe that's why I have a Shayla Alder in my life though. To keep me in line. To motivate me to do better. She controls my eccentric ways from being borderline crazy. I'm sure she puts up with bundles of my impulsive behaviors, living with me and all. But I think she still loves me. Or she's good at faking it. Either way.

I'm sure there are millions of other people that put up with my randomness as well. And I'm thankful for all of you. So THANKS. But don't tell me it's not a little fun sometimes. Just a little?

I guess I'm kinda like a mix tape. You never know what you're gonna get next. But hey, isn't that what makes mix tapes so exciting? :)

Top of the World :)

Some people spend the big bucks to go to Europe and look at art. . .architecture. . .beauty created by man. I would love to do something like that, but I'm a poor college student, so a big art trip to Europe couldn't happen at the moment. But I did the most amazing thing on Labor Day, which I feel was even more enriching than traveling to Europe to look at famous art. Much cheaper too. Brian and I packed some things in a backpack and we

climbed a mountain.

Elevation: 10,000 feet

There is just something about being surrounded by nature that gets me. Something special. Of course I am a country girl, but it's a lot more than just that. When I am surrounded by nature, something wakes up inside of me. It's almost like my spirit is shouting from inside of me all the things it knows are true. It makes perfect sense to me why so many prophets in the scriptures went up to mountains to become more in tune with God. This hike to Naomi Peak was obviously different than an art tour through Europe, but it's still art. To me. A special kind of art. This is an art that no man has the ability to create. The land is wild.

Untouched by the human race.

Energy shot from my body when we reached the peak, to look out. Over everything. There were no other people there when Brian and I reached the top. We had passed plenty of people on the trail, but our timing was perfect so we were alone when the top was reached. No people. No noise. No distractions. I was on an insane high (maybe because I was so high in the air) and felt as if the world was mine.

All summer long, I had this goal of climbing Naomi Peak. When I get an idea like that in my head, it eats at me constantly until I have accomplished it. I finally did it, and it feels so good! I am so happy I have Brian who is always willing to do crazy, spontaneous things with me.

Climbing Naomi Peak was such a gorgeous hike, but I wouldn't exactly label it as easy. It wasn't hard to the point that I didn't for a minute not enjoy myself, but there were some extremely steep parts. There were times when my leg muscles were screaming at me to stop and my breathing got heavier. The air is obviously pretty thin too. When we were about to the top, I had the hiccups and decided to hold my breath to get rid of them. I thought I was going to pass out for a split second when I couldn't get any air after holding my breath for so long, ha ha. So it wasn't an easy hike. . . .but the end result was SO WORTH any pain I felt. It's the same thing with life. There are moments that you love it, enjoy it, and think it's beautiful. Some days it is pretty easy. Other days, trials pile up and the way seems steep. Sometimes it hurts. But when you get past all the nasty stuff, and to the end result,

doesn't it feel good?

It's breath-taking at the top, my friends. And words cannot describe how it feels to look down at all you overcame. To say, "I climbed all that. And now I'm standing on top of it all."

And I use to think I hated hiking. That's the last time I go making assumptions. .

I Can't Quite Reach

I would like to think that I'm not very girly or dramatic. I keep things pretty simple most of the time. No matter how not girly I am though, I'm still a girl. And on occasion I act like a girly-girly-girl. Last night was one of those occasions. My life is great. I'm having such a blast and I'm excited for what is to come. But out of nowhere last night, I began feeling overwhelmed with all the tough choices I have to make in life.

Yesterday, I went out and bought myself a new camera. My old one finally broke down and died on me, so I made an emergency trip to Best Buy and Staples the next day to check out their cameras. Just a couple things about me, so you'll realize how hard this shopping trip was for me. . . .

1. I'm the most indecisive person you will ever meet. I can never make up my mind about big decisions. And little ones too.

2. I am cheap. I hate spending money. It makes me want to hyperventilate when I spend in big amounts. The benefit is that I am not broke. I actually have a good amount of money for myself stored away. I'll probably be that old lady that dies one day and they find millions of dollars stored under the baseboards of her house.

Ok, now two things to know about camera shopping. . . .

1. There are so many different types of cameras, it's not even funny. Different brands. Different types of the brands. Different versions of the types. Different versions also have different features. And of course, there are many different colors to choose from when buying a camera. Yes, the color of the camera plays into this as well.

2. Cameras are not cheap.

I was in awe when looking through the selection of cameras. My jaw dropped and eyes widened, first of all, when I saw the selection and wondered how I would just choose one. My jaw dropped even more and my eyes somehow got wider when I noticed some of the prices. Oh baby, oh baby. It took me a long time, but I finally chose a good camera. And I'm happy with my choice. It wasn't ridiculously expensive, but not the cheapest one there. It has some neat features, but mostly just ones that I will use. It fits my needs. That was what was important to me when buying my camera: I just wanted to buy one that would fit my needs for now. It's also cute and blue might I add. . .and I really wanted a cute one.

Last night, I suddenly felt like I was in a Best Buy on steroids, one with millions of shelves of cameras. One that it would take days to look through all the cameras you might want to purchase. But I'm not really talking about cameras here. . .I'm talking about life. And all my options. Sometimes I wish I could fill my arms up with many different options and just run out of the store with them. But no, that would be called stealing. And I don't have the kind of money to afford all those different options. No one has that kind of money when it comes to life. So there I was last night, when it struck me,

"Do I want to purchase what I'm thinking of putting in my shopping cart?"

Do I want a life with so many features, I don't even know what to do with them all? Or do I want a life that will fit my needs? Do I want to sacrifice much so I can have something that is really nice and not many people have it? Or do I want to sacrifice a decent amount and have something I will be able to enjoy?

Oh yeah, and does life come in different colors too?

It's all a bit overwhelming.

When I was in Best Buy, I had to use the restroom. When I went over to wash my hands, there was a little girl at the other sink. Attempting to wash her hands. She was pretty little. Probably five or so. She was lifting herself onto the counter in order to reach the soap dispenser. Her arm was stretched as far as it could go and then some. She had a strained look on her face. Me, being the evil person I am sometimes, stood and watched her with an amused look on my face. I started wondering how long she'd been trying to get some soap on her hand. She finally reached the soap dispenser and succeeded in getting soap on her hand. . .and all over the counter as well. Now the next task, turning on the sink. She had a sad/angry look on her face when she realized she now had to reach the sink handle and twist it to the on position. I felt like laughing, but I was sad for her at the same time. So I finally quit being evil.

"Do you need some help?"

She looked at my reflection in the mirror, scrunched her nose up, and nodded yes. I turned the sink on for her and made sure the water was a nice temperature. Then I asked,

"Can you turn it off by yourself?"

She gave me the head nod once again.

So I departed from the bathroom, laughing just a little bit.

I'm like that little girl lots of times in my life. I want to act bigger than I really am sometimes. And I hate asking for help when it comes to my weaknesses. Over and over again, I will be reaching for the sink and soap to wash my hands for several minutes (not literally, but you know what I mean) while many people pass that would more than likely help me. All I have to do is ask.

Last night, in all my anguish before I crawled in my bed, I asked. I asked Him for help, and it felt real nice after. I know if I keep asking and just keep my cool, everything will work out. I'll get my hands clean eventually and I'll make up this darn mind of mine.

So Many Options

Today I walked into the TSC's bathroom, since I kinda had to go. I began walking into the same stall I have always used. When I paused for a moment, looked around, and noticed the millions of other stalls around me. "Hmmmmmmmmm.." I thought to myself. And I walked across the other side of the bathroom and into a totally foreign stall. I'm broadening my horizons for sure.

Fresh. Like Ziplock Fresh.

First day EVER of college!





Older, smarter, wiser.

My frosh year of college came and went and now here I am. Starting round two. It's still just the first week, but I am so stoked about school! I mean, who wouldn't be going to a grand place like Utah State?

It's also pretty dang cool to not be a freshman anymore. I'm no longer clueless. I know what's going on. Last year, I was so scared, even though I never admitted it. And I felt lonely a lot. Another thing I would never own up to. I remember wandering to school here, and not wanting to look stupid. I remember putting on the Aggie blue USU t-shirt and avoiding all my high school t-shirts. I've discovered that is the dumbest thing you can do if you don't want people knowing you're a freshman. ALL of the freshmen wear those shirts when they first get up here. This year when I was moving in, I could spot them all from a mile away.

"Oh, there goes a swarm of freshmen. The big blue blob of people. How cute."

Another dumb thing I remember doing, is when I would aimlessly walk through a building, struggling to find my class. Why didn't I just ask someone where room 213a was? Duh, that would totally ruin my pride. I would for sure be labeled as a freshman asking questions like that. And these stupid things I did get even dumber. . . .you ready for this? On occassion, I would pass by the classroom I had been searching for. After I had already passed it, I would realize this. But instead of using my common sense and saying,

"Wow, you've been walking around this building a long time. Let's turn around real quick and go to your class."

I said this to myself:

"If I turn around, everyone will see me. And that might look pretty stupid. My feet hurt. I've been walking around this building a long time. But it's a nice building, maybe I should walk around it one more time."

And I did. I would walk all the way around until I came back to the class. Just so I wouldn't pass it.

That's a pretty funny story, huh? At the time, it was extremely sad, but now I can laugh at my freshman nonsense.

It also got a lot easier to find my classes when I learned that if the number starts with a 2, it will be on floor 2.

So room 203 is on floor 2.

Room 414 is on floor 4.

That's pretty pathetic that I learned this bit of information at eighteen years old, isn't it? Give me a break, my high school was only one floor. I seriously thought that hotels just mixed all these numbers up in a maze. Room 708. Room 224. Room 317. I bet people got a kick out of me looking for Room 110 on floor 8, huh? That's soooooooo funny that I didn't have to climb all those stairs after all since my room was on the first floor. Hilarious actually.

This year will be superb though. I'm much more confident now. I ask people where things are. I even turn around a million times in a building if I have to. And I have no problem wearing West Side High School apparel. I am getting more into my major too! I am in the right major! Journalism!! I love it so much! And I think I'll be declaring my emphasis soon. . . .

Broadcast Journalism. Heck yes, baby.

I am also NOT running track this year. Which is a huge relief for me. My reasons are my own, and maybe I will blog about them some other day. But the main reason is. . .

I'M HAPPIER THIS WAY!

Basking in the sun on the quad. Had just ate free Scotsman dogs. Delicious.


Waiting in line for the comic show.


Roomies for the second year and STILL best friends.

It is a completely new year. And I'm a completely new person. Ready for completely new experiences. Fall Semester 2010, I think I'm falling in love with you.