Thursday, May 16, 2013

Old and New

It's kind of silly how suddenly certain things in life can change while other things seem to hold still in time, never changing and forever the same. The past week has been a bit of a blur and I am watching my life transform into something new and good right before my eyes.

I have always appreciated change, even embraced it. Never in my life though, have I found myself rushing through a stage of life, wishing for it to just be over so I could move on to the next thing. As a little girl, I would listen to my peers around me excitedly say, "I can't wait to grow up and be a teacher," or, "I want to be a mommy," or, "I'm going to be the President of the United States." When someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always shrugged my little shoulders and simply stated, "I don't know. I just like being a kid."

And I've found myself saying a similar thing through each stage of my life. As I grew a few feet taller and found myself in high school, buying bras, dating boys, and toilet papering houses, I listened to my peers as they would complain about high school and how college would be so much better. But I never felt in a rush to graduate from high school. I liked high school and I was content while I was there. Then came college where I quickly adjusted and learned to love it. Sure, I missed high school at times, just as I missed being a child at times, but I knew the change of college was good. But yet again, I was in no kind of rush to get to the next step. I tried not to think too much about a career after my college education. And I never found myself yearning for a husband. I listened to other girls say, "I really just want to get married and have babies," as they snipped out magazine clippings of wedding gowns and cake designs all the while. And I just thought, not me. I don't need anyone right now. I just like being on my own.

Then as of last week, I was a married human holding a college diploma in my hands not knowing quite what to do next. I told myself maybe this was the end of my journey. Perhaps no one would hire me. Or perhaps I would only find jobs far away, causing Brian to have to change his career at the moment. I really didn't know. For one half of a second I even thought, "Crap. Is this the part where I have to start having kids?" I immediately started missing being a student. So much to the point that I began turning possible ideas of Master's Degrees over in my mind. Any excuse to go back to school, because as far as I knew I wasn't ready for the next stage of life yet. I didn't want change.

But a week ago, things miraculously fell into place. I was offered another job with Cache Valley Media Group on top of my deejay job on 94.5 VFX. They wanted me to be a reporter for KVNU and Cache Valley Daily. I excitedly accepted. Now I'm a full-time working girl and I can't even believe how right this moment in life feels. This is exactly where I need to be. I started reporting on Monday and immediately fell in love. My first week at work has felt in many ways similar to my first week of elementary school. Everything around me is new and exciting and I just want to bounce up and down and run home and tell someone. Just like after my first day of first grade when I exclaimed to my mom how exciting PE was, and how beautiful the lunch trays at the cafeteria were, and how we got three recesses! THREE! Yeah, that's a lot how this career thing feels.

Another big change happened last week when my little brother received his mission call. We all drove to Malad, Idaho to bombard my dad at work in the middle of the day so Jace could open that wonderful envelope. And it was kind of weird to sit in my dad's office that hasn't changed much over the years (more recent photos have been added to the walls with all the old ones) and listen as Jace read he'd been called to serve in the Rancho Cucamonga, California mission. I'm afraid I will miss him terribly. I can't imagine him being away for two whole years.

As we walked out of my dad's tire shop, a tinge of sadness hit me as I took in deep breaths of rubber. Most people probably don't enjoy the smell of tires but it's one of my favorites. I think because it's nostalgic for me. I instantly think of being little and visiting Dad at work, Jace and I would weave in and out of the stacks of tires like it was a maze made just for us. Or I think of Dad pulling into the house at the end of the day. I would run to greet him, he would hug me, and I would bury my face in his shoulder that smelled of oil, gasoline, and rubber all mixed together. That smell made me happy.

After the opening of the mission call, we headed over to The Dude Ranch. It's this delicious restaurant where the owner cooks all the food. I grew up eating there and it hasn't changed a bit in all these years.

This post is really just rambling. But I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm grateful. I'm grateful for change. I am so glad I can progress in this life. And I am realizing that one of the greatest feelings is to learn how to be happy with yourself and where you're at in life. Sure, there is always room for improvement. However, I am realizing more and more how very essential it is to savor the present. It'll be gone in a flash. I'll never forget something my high school English teacher told us when we asked him what his favorite stage of life had been so far (he was in his late fifties/early sixties at the time). He thought about it a moment and then replied, "Right now. I think every time I reach a new stage in life it becomes my favorite." How beautiful is that? Sure, it's okay to reach back to the past sometimes and remember what was. And it's okay to look ahead to the future and plan for what is to come. But I think my favorite part, and the part I want to always focus on most is the now. I want to always be able to say, "Right now is my favorite."      

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