Five Things I Love About Being ME

Valentine's Day was a thing that happened. I'm a fan of Valentine's Day because I'm a fan of loving people. I love others pretty easily.

I wish I could also say that I love myself easily. Some days I do, other days it's harder. It's not like I'm one of those self-loathing people who has zero self-esteem. I think I'm more confident than your average bear, and overall I'd say I'm quite a cool person. I like a lot of things about myself.

However, since I was a little girl I've had a problem with perfectionism. I expect perfection from myself. Obviously, I'm far from perfect, so I continually set myself up for disappointment and failure. Whenever I do something awesome, my first thought is always, "I could have done (fill in the blank) better." It's a rather exhausting way to live, thinking that I'm never good enough. Sure, I want to constantly progress and better myself, but sometimes I think it's more than okay to give yourself a big pat on the back. This is what this post is: a big, fat pat on my back.

Five Things I Love About Being ME 

1. I have a big heart. As already mentioned, I love easily. Sometimes this can be a painful trait to have. I worry myself sick over others, feeling their pains and wanting to somehow mend them. Even though my big heart often feels too heavy for my chest to carry, I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess in many ways, having a big heart can sometimes make my load lighter. I don't get offended easily or hold grudges. I would rather just love. I think having a big heart can make it easier to be forgiving. When others have wronged me, I try to look at that person with love. It's hard to stay mad for long if you do that. It brings me immense joy to serve, and help, and love others. I really feel like lifting others is my purpose for living.

2. I'm a good listener. I've always felt I'm fairly good at listening, but studying journalism taught me the art of listening on a whole new level. Sure, I'm not making the big bucks with my journalism degree (yet), but I feel like some of the qualities I developed from my studies have made me a better person. If you haven't noticed, the world has a lot of talkers. We need more good listeners. One of the nicest compliments I've ever received was at a work retreat when we went around saying nice things about each coworker. When it was my turn to be flooded with compliments, one girl said that she loved talking to me because she felt like I was always genuinely interested in what she had to say. It made me so happy that my coworker felt this way about me. I hope I can always be a person who others feel safe talking to. I've learned that good listening isn't just hearing what a person says, it's hearing a person and then trying to understand where that person is coming from. Since I've developed the understanding side of listening, it's made listening that much more enjoyable for me. Sure, I have my own opinions . . . but I'm willing to hear the opinions of others and also respect people for their differing opinions. I've learned so much about my surroundings, the world and myself from listening to others' voices. I would much rather learn and grow than think I'm right all the time.

3. I'm a doer. When I want to do something . . . I do it. I thought this was a normal thing that all humans did. I'm beginning to realize though that a lot of people talk about doing things but then seldom do the things they talk about. Fear might be stopping them, maybe laziness. I really have no clue. I just know I'm so grateful that I'm both a dreamer and a doer. I'm not even talking about huge things here. I'm talking about something as simple as getting together with a friend. How often have you ran into someone and you say, "We need to get together for lunch someday," and then they say, "Yeah, we do!" And then how often does the conversation stop there and lunch never happens? I try my best to make it a habit to follow through on what I say. When a friend tells me we should do lunch, I try to reply with something like, "Yeah, we do need to go to lunch! When? I'm open next Friday." Being a doer is something that anyone can make a habit in their life. It just takes a little practice and work. This past weekend I did something else I've been saying I want to do. We redid our bedroom. I've been talking about it for the past month so when we finally had an open Saturday, I was determined to make what I'd been talking about a reality. We marched over to Home Depot and bought supplies, and I spent all of Saturday painting walls the deepest and dreamiest of blues. I love just sitting in my bedroom now. It's a sign to me of my doing. If I don't like something, I don't complain about it, I take action instead. If I have a fun idea, I take action. If I want to go on a trip, I take action. Okay, you get it. I do stuff.

4. My enthusiasm for life is unstoppable. I get excited about ALL things big and small. It seems my childhood excitement never wore off as I grew up and for that, I'm forever grateful. I still wake up at the crack of dawn on Christmas Day, I'll notice a pretty sunset and talk about it for longer than what's normal, and you'd think it's Christmas Day when I get to go out for ice cream. I'm just excited about living. When Brian and I have an actual child around here, the enthusiasm might be through the roof.

5. I'm eccentric. As a little girl, my grandma always told me that weird is wonderful and normal is boring. I kind of took that saying to heart. I'm true to myself . . . even if that means I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb in the process. I wear clothes that make me happy and I get haircuts that make me feel spunky. I've never felt that it's necessary to fit in with the crowd or be accepted by others. I know that first and foremost, I need to accept myself. Of course I want other people to like me. Don't we all? But I'm learning that it's more important for me to like myself. I won't like myself if I pretend to be something I'm not.

If I had a sixth quality to brag about, it would be that I'm extremely humble . . . ha ha. Really though, why does it sometimes feel so incredibly uncomfortable to say good things about ourselves? Sometimes when my husband will say something negative about himself, I'll make him say five nice things about himself. It's the best. But I guess I should start doing my own exercise. I think as women in general, we drag ourselves down and pick ourselves apart. We are quick to point out our imperfections and shy away from what we're good at. So I'm going to challenge you, next time you have a negative thought, try thinking of five positive ones. I'm going to take the challenge on too. :)  

Sunday Best: Valentine Ready with eShakti

dress: c/o eShakti, tights: Smith's Marketplace, shoes: Bella Me

Does anyone else out there get online shopping anxiety? I know, I know. So many people love it. They love it so much they want to marry it. I hear all this talk of, "I don't even have to leave my house! I can shop in my pajamas!" But the thing is, sometimes I like to leave my house. I like going in the store and searching through racks. I like having the luxury of trying stuff on before I commit.

So as crazy as it sounds, I have miniature panic attacks every time I click on that "Add to Cart" button. When eShakti reached out to me, I about had to start breathing into a paper bag, but I decided to try something new and go for it. I've heard a lot of good things about eShakti in the past, so this was just the nudge I needed to try out the magic for myself. 

eShakti makes your online shopping experience easier by allowing you to customize your dress. The dress I'm wearing originally didn't have sleeves. I chose to add elbow length sleeves to my order. Wonderful, right? You can also customize necklines and lengths. Not to mention, their sizing options are much broader than most stores. I will definitely use eShakti in the future.

How cute is this red dress? It definitely had me in the Love Day spirit today at church. I'm also a sucker for anything floral. I thought the floral design on this number was extra delicate and sweet. Oh, and it has POCKETS! Any dress with pockets is a keeper in my opinion (I almost didn't choose the wedding dress I did because it didn't have pockets). I can't wait to wear this dress through the summer months with sandals. Speaking of summer, February is being so unusually warm. I'm not complaining. But I'm also not about to pack up my coats and earmuffs. Utah weather is such a tease!

I can't wait for the coming week and for Valentine's Day!! I probably won't wear this dress for my Valentine date. I might go for an edgier look. Whatever "edgier" means. 

Happy week! xoxo  

Sunday Best: ELLIE G!!!

shirt: Ellie Goulding concert tour, jeans: Smith's, sneaks: Target 

Let's be real, this post has really nothing to do with what I'm wearing and everything to do with me bragging about how awesome Ellie Goulding was in concert. She was good. Sooooo, soooo good. If you ever get a chance to see the girl live, grasp on tight to that opportunity. 

Brian got us tickets to her concert for Valentine's Day (best present ever) and then at the concert I even persuaded him into buying me the rad t-shirt seen above. Sadly, I caught a terrible cold last week but that wasn't going to stop me from having a good time. So we enjoyed a night rocking out at The Great Saltair, me with a packet of tissues tucked in my vest pocket. 

When Ellie sang "Burn" toward the end of the night, this drunk guy in his forties/fifties ended up right in front of me, dancing his heart out. It wasn't even aimless drunk dancing either, he had very specific moves at every point of the song. That's when I joined in and copied all his dance moves. Then I started a trend, because at least 10 people surrounding us started copying drunk guy's dancing. It was like Just Dance on the Wii . . . but in real life.   

XO/Kelsey 

Love Week

Valentine's Day of 2014 was my favorite to date. I'm finally to the point where I love Valentine's Day. I always thought it was corny (which I guess it kind of is). I think in the past, I had the wrong idea of what Valentine's Day meant. I always thought it was just a day for lovers, and that is how it is widely and popularly celebrated. However, I realize now it's not just a day for your significant other. It's not a day meant to make those without feel lonely. You don't have to be shot by Cupid's arrow to enjoy Valentine's Day.

This year, for me, it was a day to really notice all the people I'm surrounded by who I love and appreciate. And I'm so blessed to be surrounded by so many. It was a day to celebrate my husband, my family members, friends, co-workers, my cat (we can't forget my cat). I even started to realize my appreciation for strangers. I was kinder and more talkative to my cashier at the grocery store; I caught myself with a giddy smile plastered on my face as I watched the crossing guard guide the middle school kids across the road near my home. Love is not just for lovers. Love is for every single one of us. You deserve to be loved. I hope you allow yourself to love and be loved not only on February 14th . . . but each day throughout the year.

I had so many great experiences last week. Since I'm lazy and don't want to write a novel, here's a bullet point list of some things I loved about Love Week.

• I hosted Miss USU and each of the girls were wonderful. Not only that, but I met tons of nice people after the show who came and said hello to me. Oh, and I got a delicious loaf of cinnamon bread as a thank you gift for emceeing. 

• For Activity Days, we learned about budgeting and had a banana split bar. The girls all received an amount of play money and then had to buy everything from their bowl to their ice cream toppings. I planned the whole activity and it was fun to see it all come together and watch the girls enjoy it. Then my heart melted when one of the girls didn't have enough money to buy an Oreo, so another girl gave her one of her dollars. I tell ya, my heart was a puddle. 

• I spent "Galentine's Day" with my mom and grandma. We went out for lunch and antique shopping. My grandma, who is the sweetest, also bought me an antique ring. 

• Pizza and cookies at work on Valentine's Day. I love it when I don't have to plan lunch. 

• I won an awesome Valentine's Gift Package from the Cache Valley Mall. I'm now a firm believer in those silly Facebook giveaways. 

• I got to read a bunch of hilarious awkward date stories from our VFX listeners. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. 

• Brian didn't get me roses on Valentine's Day. He totally surprised me with tickets to Ellie Goulding's concert! I almost hyperventilated. As if things couldn't get better, he put them inside of a cat card. 

• We had a quiet and romantic Valentine's Day evening by getting Chinese takeout and running off to the family cabin. 

• My mother-in-law is the most thoughtful person and left a basket of goodies and movies at the cabin for us, complete with a plate of chocolate-covered strawberries in the fridge. Love her. 

• Oh wait, she also prepared us an epic brunch the following day. Waffles with whipped cream, fruit, sausage, orange juice. That woman needs to open a bed & breakfast.  

• Sleeping in. Enough said. 

• Free Olive Garden. 

• Hot tubbing with friends.

• Waking up to Brian carrying in a tray with breakfast on it (he knows food in bed is the way to my heart). 

• Winter Olympics. 

Love is nice. I think I need to work on celebrating it more every day. 

The Dreamiest Sugar Cookies

Valentine's Day is now long gone. But that doesn't mean you can't still whip up some delicious heart-shaped cookies. If you feel too weird about it, just find a cookie cutter in the shape of something to celebrate the next holiday. Four-leaf clover cookies? Bunny cookies? Sky is the limit, really.

The majority of sugar cookies do not really get my taste-buds going. And that's because the majority of sugar cookies have the consistency all wrong. They are either crumbling apart onto my lap, or so hard I fear I will chip a tooth. This recipe gets it right. These cookies come out of the oven just soft enough and they stay just soft enough for days. No chipped teeth over here. Only a full and happy tummy.

Here is my genius mother's recipe for sugar cookies:

3/4 cup shortening
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1/2 tsp lemon extract (I think this is the secret ingredient that makes them smell so goooood)
7 Tbsp milk
1 tsp salt
1 tsp soda
1 tsp vanilla
4 1/2 cups flour

Cream sugar and shortening. Add eggs and mix well. Stir in salt, soda, and flavorings. Add part of milk, then flour, then rest of milk. Dough will be very soft. Roll out to desired thickness and cut with your cookie cutters. Bake at 375 for about 5 minutes. Watch closely. It would be a sin to over-bake.

Then whip up some frosting and get to decorating. That's the fun part (besides eating them of course). We had a blast spending an evening with friends while we decorated (and ate) plenty of sugar cookies. And the recipe made so many, that I even had a few for breakfast the next day (oops). So if you are making these with a small group, I would suggest halving the recipe. We ended up with close to 30 cookies. Just call me Mrs. Fatty.

Why I Love Him

The list of reasons I love Brian could go on for miles. But I don't think anyone would want to read a list that long, including BWell himself. So I will leave it at one simple thing. Perhaps my favorite thing about my sweet husband.

Last week, I clogged the toilet. Embarrassing, I know. But don't tell me you've never done it. There is always the initial panic and shock as you push the lever and instead of hearing the powerful flush of water, you hear a sad and pathetic putter. And then you quickly reach out for the plunger, silently praying that the water won't rise and spill over the seat of the toilet and onto the floor. That's exactly what I did, but when I reached out for said plunger, it wasn't there. For some reason, we only have one plunger. I guess I always forget to buy another one when running errands. And that one plunger stays in our half bathroom downstairs. I was upstairs in our bedroom bathroom. So of course, I rushed down the stairs, my fly still undone, to retrieve the plunger. After doing so, I dashed back upstairs and plunged that toilet like it was nobody's business. Problem solved. I left the plunger in our bedroom bathroom, washed my hands, and forgot about the whole ordeal.

This is where the thing I love about Brian comes into play. When Brian got home from work that evening, he walked in the door, set his stuff down, and washed his hands in the half bathroom. Since he is very observant, he immediately noticed the plunger was gone. He asked me where it was. So then I told him the same embarrassing story I told you about my clogging the toilet and how I left the plunger upstairs.

"We need to bring it back to this bathroom," Brian insisted.

"Uh, okay. .Why are you so concerned with where our plunger is?"

And here comes the part where I love him. . .

"Because if we have a visitor who uses our bathroom and clogs the toilet, I don't want them to feel embarrassed and need to ask where our plunger is."

I love Brian because he sincerely cares and worries about other people. He is always thinking of others, even with the smallest details, like which bathroom our plunger is located in. I fell in love with him after seeing the way he treats other people, even complete strangers. He is always the one who makes friends with the person in the drive thru, he is always the one to volunteer his truck if someone needs something moved, he is always the one making friends with the shy little kid sitting near us in church. He has a big heart and always keeps others' interests in mind. I love that he loves me so well. But what I love even more is that he is good at loving everyone around him, with no expectation of something in return. That man has a heart of gold that would clog the most powerful of toilets. Thanks for being my Valentine this year and always, Brian.

I hope you all had the happiest of Valentine's Days yesterday. I also hope it was spent doing something you love with someone you love (that's what she said).

A Post About Love

Today is the day. The day people will rush to buy candy, flowers, and make dinner reservations. The day single gals will watch John Tucker Must Die and light stuff on fire. The day I'll see the hash tag #myhusbandisbetterthanyours so many times I will want to throw up. 

It's Valentine's Day. Now don't get me wrong, I don't despise the holiday as much as my first paragraph might suggest. I mostly just hate how commercialized and tacky everything can get. At times, it almost feels like a mockery of love.

Sometimes I miss the Valentine's Days of grade school. When I would carefully construct valentines for all my classmates. And if I felt especially brave, I would maybe sign the valentine to my crush with a LOVE, Kelsey. I miss the days of sitting in class on the day of love and listening to the teacher tell us the story of St. Valentine and how he was executed on February 14th long ago (Valentine's Day is slightly morbid if you really think about it). There was even one year I dressed up as cupid. So you can't accuse me of hating Valentine's Day, because I bet you never spent a day dressed as Cupid. My mom encouraged my idea, as she usually encouraged my crazy ideas, probably thinking her child was creative. Before I went to school that day, she helped me tie a white dishtowel around my jeans so it would look like a diaper. Then I proudly put my bow and suction cup arrows in my backpack. That day at recess, I skipped about and shot random people so they could fall in love. Occasionally, my longtime friends will still bring up that memory. "Hey Kelsey, remember that time in second grade when you wore a diaper to school?" 

So see, I am not totally cynical. I dressed up as Cupid for crying out loud. And the truth is, I do love love. But love is much more than roses or a box of chocolates. It's much more than kisses and laughter. Love is also tears, heartache, sacrifice, and compassion. You can't wrap it up and tie it with a pretty bow. You can't make love seem perfect. Because a big part of love is imperfection. Despite the flaws, the blemishes, and the bumps, you have to have the heart to find beauty in all of it and accept it with open arms. Loving someone means you are even willing to love their ugly qualities. My savior, Jesus Christ, is the ultimate example of this. He loves me even though I am flawed beyond measure. He died for me because he believes in me, although I am a sinner.

With that being said, I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day. I hope we can show our love to those around us: our significant other, our family, our friends. But most of all, I hope we can show love to those who might be lacking it in their lives. I hope we can try to love even those who are sometimes hard to love. I ran across a quote a few months ago and it quickly became a favorite. Each time I read it, I am left reflecting on myself and how I can more fully love those who need it. After all, we are all God's children. I will leave you with that quote. I hope it inspires you as much as it does me. . .

“I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed at night or singing in the shower or humming quietly to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street. And even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them.”

I Heart. . .

1. pillow//2. book//3. dress//4. "perfect match" necklace//5. heart sweater//6. massage bar//7. Bluebird chocolates//8. heart tights


Just a few pretty things that would be quite fitting for the upcoming holiday.


But honestly----all I want is #7.

Sealed With a Kiss

I know everyone is sick of the posts about Valentine's Day. So I'll go ahead and apologize.

I'm sorry.

Valentine's Day is pretty cool I suppose. I feel like I don't appreciate it as much as some people, and I also don't hate it as much as some people. I mean, it's nice. It's nice getting a card in the mail from your grandma and a box of delectable chocolates from your parents. It's nice having your husband take you out to dinner so you don't have to worry about cooking. . .not that I would know because I usually don't cook and we usually do eat out (maybe one day I'll get better at that). But that stuff is all very nice. It's nice to celebrate love. I wish we could make a bigger deal out of celebrating love though, you know what I mean? Get school and work off or something. Because Valentine's Day just shadows in comparison to Christmas, the 4th of July, and Halloween (my three favorite holidays). But oh well, I'm all about celebrating, I think I'm just a bit bummed because Brian and I were so busy that we didn't have a lot of time to celebrate Valentine's Day. But the time we did have was top notch.

In a nutshell, this is what happened:

• Monday night, Brian had a night class, so I waited for him to get home and then we went to dinner at about eight. We went to Le Nonne. It's one of my most favorite restaurants ever. They make homemade Italian food. If you ever go, try the spinach ravioli. The sauce that covers it is to die for! After dinner, we bought a cheesecake platter at the grocery store, because cheesecake is the most romantic dessert of all desserts. We also bought a heart-shaped balloon. It just sounded like a fun thing to do. And then I made Luna chase the balloon string all about the kitchen because I'm an animal torturer like that.

• On actual Valentine's Day, I was busy all day long with school projects. I did get to visit a chocolate factory though and see how they make chocolates. I shot it all with my camera and later went up to campus to edit it. Then I had African Dance that night, and since I have already racked up so many absences, I went early and stayed longer so I could make them up. All that hip swaying and head bobbing for three hours wore me right out and I didn't arrive home until ten at night. But BWell and I exchanged gifts. It was nice.

Below are pictures to prove that what I just told you is real. Also, this was mine and Brian's first Valentine's Day as married hooligans, but it was actually our third Valentine's Day spent together. He's been such a good Valentine the last three years that I think I'll keep him. Probably forever actually.

 Delicious calamari at Le Nonne

In the middle picture, I had just whacked the light fixture with my balloon. You can tell from the look on my face.

 Sometimes I wrap presents with all the newspaper we have. It works. 

 We only had one razor scooter. Now since we'll have two, our rides in the summertime will be much more enjoyable.

Brian did well. He got me a gift certificate for 2 one hour massages (one of which I'm getting tomorrow). And since I was gross and sweaty, I just made Luna pretend to me. Did I fool you? 

Heart Patches

Oh yeah. So it was totally Valentine's Day yesterday. For me it was more like "be at school all day long and not get home until 10 at night" Day. But Brian and I still found some time for lovin'. Because that lovin' is important stuff. But I'll just wait and tell you how we celebrated in a different post.

For now, all I wish to do is tell you about how I cut hearts out of cute fabric and then sewed them onto the elbows of my sweater. That's right, on the elbows of my sweater. Not on my actual elbows. I have a feeling that would hurt badly. However, there was no pain involved in the making of these heart-shaped elbow patches, only Valentine joy.

In case you want to jazz up your own elbows (on your sweaters), here is the tutorial I used.

Sunday Best: Paper Hearts & Chocolate Bars

The past week was basically a nightmare. Everything that could have gone wrong . . . went wrong. I had zero time for fun. Zero time for blogging. And, along with that, zero time to even think about the upcoming Valentine's Day holiday. I haven't cut a single heart out of paper and I've made no major chocolate purchases. Valentine's Day is on Tuesday? Say what?

If it helps any, I did throw on a heart necklace for church today. And I wore red shoes too. But that's about all I've got.

 heels: Shoe Carnival, tights: Kohls, skirt: Maurices, shirt: Ross

Happy day of love to you all! May we each have time to do something semi-romantic and make ourselves sick off chocolate bars. 

xoxo

My Anchor-Part 4

I walk across the sidewalk which is covered with a fresh layer of snow. I look behind and see only the prints my boots have left behind. My footprints alone and nothing else. Alone. Maybe that is just how I should be. Then there is no confusion and no heartbreak. Fluffy, light snowflakes twirl around me through the air as if they are dancing for me. I manage to smile as I take in this beautiful winter afternoon.

It is Sunday, February 14th. The day known to mankind as Valentine's Day. However, for me, it will be just a boring Sunday evening alone. Shayla (my roommate) is gone and won't be back to the apartment until late.

 I have been gone all weekend in Boise. At a track meet. Track seems to be consuming my life. Since the kiss with Brian, I have hardly seen him at all due to practice and weight training. Plus, I left for Boise halfway through the week. Maybe it is almost a blessing though that track created no time for Brian in the past week. Because I am not sure what I am feeling. Or maybe I am sure but I'm not sure he'll feel the same way back.  As I think about it all over again, I start to feel queasy, as if I just finished the 800 meter dash. The track meet surprisingly went alright. I did fairly well in all my events for the pent at our indoor meet. And lucky for me, my mom, sisters, and aunt came up to watch me. They so kindly gave me a ride home as well. So instead of being completely alone on Valentine's Day, I was able to go to church with my family and eat lunch with them. Since I don't have an actual Valentine, the next best way to spend the day would be with my family. The people who will always love me. Brian had talked to me earlier in the week about Valentine's Day, but we basically bashed on the holiday and he told me he never had a real legit valentine. I told him I hadn't either. Speaking of Brian, he just sent me a text. I look down at the message which reads, "Are you back in Logan yet?"
That's a little creepy. Is he watching out the window for me or something?
"Yep. Just walking to the apartment actually."

I walk up the steps to my door as I fumble through my bag, in search of my apartment key.
My door!
There is something hanging from the doorknob!
I nearly drop the key I finally placed as I realize exactly what is hanging from the doorknob and who put it there. A smile spreads across my face and I don't bother trying to hide it. On the doorknob hangs a gift bag. The gift bag is covered with hearts. On the front of the gift bag is a pink envelope. Carefully drawn on the center of the envelope are block letters. Block letters that tell me it is only one certain person, because he is the only one that calls me K2. Brian left me a Valentine gift. Across the pink envelope that reads 'K2', there is a long stemmed, yellow rose.

I quickly unlock the door and carry my present to the kitchen table. My heart feels as if it is thumping in my throat. I always open cards first when I get a present so that's what I do. I gingerly open the top of the envelope and pull out a card with goofy-looking squirrels on it. Some of the squirrels are holding hearts and the card says something along the lines of, "I'm nuts about you, Valentine!" I open the card and see Brian's familiar handwriting in all caps. I begin reading:

K2, 
I got you this card because A) It was one of the few cards left that wasn't just totally mushy. B) Squirrels are cool. 
Since neither of us have ever really had a Valentine, I was thinking maybe we could try it. So will you be my Valentine? Also, I was thinking with the gift you could make a special Valentine cake. The only catch? You can't make it without me.

Brian

I am suddenly tearing through tissue paper. Pink and white tissue paper flying wildly through my kitchen. I pull out the contents of the bag and suddenly Brian's card makes perfect sense.
A cake mix and various kinds of frosting. I will not be spending my evening alone. I will be making a cake with Brian.
Brian, my Valentine.

I don't even bother to text or call Brian. I just scoop up the contents of the bag, leaving tissue paper scattered everywhere, and run through the snow and next door. When I ring the doorbell, that familiar smile and blonde head greet me as Brian pulls open the door.
"Wanna make a cake?"
Maybe the enthusiasm in my voice was a little over-the-top. But Brian just smiles even bigger and his crystal blue eyes flicker as he pulls me inside.
"I've been so excited waiting for you to get home! And nervous."
"Nervous? Why?"
"Well. . .I didn't know how you'd respond to my gift."
I pause and then say, "It was a wonderful surprise to come home to. Thank you."

We begin baking our cake and Brian asks me all about the track meet. And I tell him. We frost the cake and create our own conversation hearts out of the colorful frosting. There is not one awkward moment. The night is filled with conversation. I realize how much fun Brian is. And just how much we click. And when I start doing and saying strange things in a sort of humor few can appreciate, Brian gets it and he laughs at me. I realize I don't know what will become of Brian and I, but I absolutely know that I for sure want to stay friends for a very long time. But for now, I'll just think about tonight and enjoy having him as my very own Valentine.

I Have Been Converted

That's right, folks.

I have been converted to the holiday of Valentine's Day. I have learned to now appreciate it for exactly what it is.

I have discovered this strange holiday is much more than a celebration for couples. It is a celebration of this little thing called

LOVE.

It is a celebration of that word that is so powerful that we, as the human race, don't even fully understand it. Yet we still feel it. It is universal. It is in all cultures. It is the ultimate secret to finding happiness. It is the thing we all yearn to give and also receive.

It is almost godlike, really. To love. It is the thing that drives us to be something beyond just one person living within our own selfish life, and care about the person next to us instead.

I think I love it.

I understand that Valentine's Day can really, well, suck for single people. In high school, most of my Valentine's Days were spent at state basketball. So they weren't even celebrated.

One year, I gave my friends and teammates a VDay gift. It was a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" since we were all single at the time. We tested one of the boyfriends out by putting him in the sink full with water overnight. It was a little, flimsy, red man. In the morning. . .he wasn't so little. He had expanded and was taking up most of the sink. So we turned him over to the bathtub. Much more room to grow. He got pretty huge and it was also pretty disgusting. We got a good laugh out of it though.

The next year at state basketball, I remember waking up early to catch the bus. The booster club always had snacks and money for us that were passed around the bus right before we departed for Boise. Along with my things from the booster club, I also got a gigantic heart. "What is this," I wondered. As I looked closer, I saw that this giant Valentine heart was from my family. Each of them had signed it, saying things like they loved me, Happy Valentine's Day, good luck at state, we'll be cheering you on. Even Chloe signed it. At the time, all she could write was her name. Along with those creepy people that little kids first learn to draw. Ya know, the ones with the circle head and they just have arms and legs growing right out of their head?

I think that was one of the first times the significance of Valentine's Day really hit me. I felt myself smiling as I carefully held my heart. Then I almost got emotional and wanted to cry. My family loved me. I really felt it. Even Jace loved me, although he hated to admit it.

And I loved them. I felt myself loving them and being grateful for special moments with them.

For parents that believe in me and always support me.

For a brother that is one of my best friends. Who I can quote dumb things with and laugh, or have deep, private talks with as well.

For two younger sisters, and the almost motherly instincts I have for them. For learning how to do hair while experimenting on their little, blonde heads. For the times they walked into my room in the middle of the night, asking if they could sleep with me. For the way they make me want to be better so they can have a decent example to follow.

This was my first real experience of Valentine's Day.

Yesterday, my day was stringed with experiences such as this one.

Although the flowers, candy, and "Grow Your Own Boyfriends" are fun, that's not what the holiday is about. That's why I have always had an issue with it. I always thought it was just an excuse to spend money. However, it is about other things.

It's about getting on facebook to see that my mom has changed her profile picture to one from her wedding. To see a twenty-year-old version of herself (same age as me) kissing my dad, who was just a boy at the time. Looking at that picture, and thinking about how these two kids learned to love and raise a family, which I was blessed to be a part of.

It's getting a text from my good friend, and realizing even though there is distance and I don't see her everyday, we are still just as close as ever.

It's about seeing a boy nervously walk up to an apartment door of some lucky girl, fidgeting with a big bouquet of roses.

It's having a mom give me a Valentine at work and thanking me for being so nice to her son.

It's about having a talk with my close friend, and being excited for her as I watch her find happiness.

It's seeing trucks with messages on the windows that say, "I love you, babe!"

It's about running to answer my door when I hear a knock, because I can't wait to see Brian.

It's when Brian pulls a gorgeous necklace from his pocket to put on my neck, and tells me it belonged to his grandmother. Then seeing the way he looks at me, and knowing he cares about me. Then seeing the way he looks at the necklace, and knowing he loves and misses his grandma.

It's about that friend that stays up late showing me how to do stats. Not just because I asked, but because he sincerely wants me to get a good grade on my test the next day.

It's at the end of the day, kneeling at my bed, trying to find the words to tell God thank you for all the love I feel each and every day in my life, and not being able to put that thanks into words.

And knowing that even though my prayer was mostly just crying and smiling, He still loves me too. If He didn't, He wouldn't give us the ability and power to love.

I love Valentine's Day. There. I thought the day I admitted that would never come.

And yes, I made Brian arrows. It's like second grade craft day all over again.