July Playlist

When I'm not interviewing someone or writing an article, I'm usually in the studio jamming out to music and saying nonsense into a microphone. I'm a radio deejay on a Top 40 station called Utah's VFX (94.5 & 98.3). Since I'm obviously passionate about music, I thought it would be a fun thing to incorporate it into my personal blog. I'm going to start putting together a month-by-month playlist of some songs that I'm loving! ALSO, even though I'm a deejay on a Top 40 station, I feel like I have pretty diverse taste in music. I love all kinds of genres from all different eras. Like, if you didn't know, I'm a huge 80s big hair band fan. My parents' taste in music may or may not have rubbed off on me ;). Without further ado, here is a list of songs that I will probably be listening to nonstop through the month of July!

July Playlist 

1. Let You Go - The Chainsmokers (feat. Great Good Fine Ok)

I'm obsessed to say the least. For me, this is one of those songs that I just get a natural high from. I crank up the volume in my car when it comes on and I just feel invincible. Definitely a fun one to run to as well. Add it to your workout playlist. 

2. Motorcycle Drive By - Third Eye Blind

Third Eye Blind Radio is probably my top played station on Pandora. I love me some Third Eye Blind. And I think this song is super underrated. When I listen to it, I feel sad but also really hopeful. "I've never been so alone, but I've never been so alive." I'm a sucker for good lyrics, fyi. 

3. Warriors - The Str!ke 

The Str!ke is a band based out of Provo, Utah. I'd heard of them before but just never taken the time to listen to any of their music. Boy, that was a mistake. They put on an outdoor concert during Summerfest here in Logan a few weekends ago. Brian and I jammed out to their music the entire time. Warriors was our favorite of the night. 

4. Thunderstruck - AC/DC  

If you don't approve of this song, I'm seriously worried about you. Another one for the workout mix. 

5. Fire Under My Feet - Leona Lewis 

Leona disappeared for a little while. She recently came back with this single and it is catchy, upbeat and full of soul. Another one from my running playlist. My music of choice lately is anything that motivates me to run because, hello, I'm training for a marathon (I'm crazy). 

6. Definitely Maybe - FM Static 

This was a favorite of mine from my high school days, and I just recently rediscovered it. The desperate cry of a man trying to win over the girl who has a jerk for a boyfriend. Sad situation, but really fun song. My favorite line: "I saw what really happened all those times he went for water, when we were at the movie theater watching Harry Potter."  

7. New Romantics - Taylor Swift 

I'll never understand how this song only made it on the 1989 album as an extra. It's one of my favorites from her new stuff. I love the techno/80s feel it has and the lyrics are so smart (but smart lyrics are kinda Taylor's forte). Favorite line: "Baby, I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me." 

8. I Need Your Love - Shaggy (feat. Mohombi, Faydee & Costi) 

This song screams summer for me. And every time it comes on while driving, I instantly start car dancing. Another good running song.

9. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac 

Give me this song, a swimsuit, a body of water, and a package of Chips Ahoy cookies already. I'm a big fan of Fleetwood Mac, especially this song as of late. 

10. Ship To Wreck - Florence + The Machine 

When the new Florence + The Machine album came out, I immediately bought it. I've had a girl crush on Florence for years now. I think her voice is incredible. This song is one of my favorites off the new album. Listen to it. Now. 

Hope you had a terrific July 4th weekend. I spent mine barbecuing with family, watching several firework shows, going down a giant slip 'n slide, and paddle boarding to my little heart's content. 

  

I Am Worthy

I've been experiencing that awful thing they call writer's block. And I think there is a very definite and precise reason for my writer's block. There are certain things I've needed to write down . . . but haven't wanted to write down. It felt easier to bury the words deep inside and let them fester. For weeks now, I've wondered if this is something I should share in a public place or just save in the depths of my journal. But I had this sudden epiphany that maybe I'm not as alone in my loneliness as I believe I am. The majority may not relate to or understand this entry, but if just one person can relate and feel less alone, then I think my job here is done. In the words of Ernest Hemingway, I'm ready to write hard and clear about what hurts.

This past Sunday, we celebrated International Women's Day. To be completely vulnerable, I've struggled lately in feeling worthy as a woman. These feelings of worthlessness have left me more discouraged than I think I'm willing to let on.

I'm realizing a pattern in the life of being a woman. At each stage of womanhood, the world somehow tricks us into believing that our worthiness hangs on one single thing. As teenagers, we begin to base our worth on the amount of attention we get from boys. We grow a bit older and find ourselves measuring our worth by the body we see in the mirror. Then at a certain age (here in Utah it's our early twenties), we are only worthy if we have a diamond on our finger. The next stage of worth seems to be how well our reproductive organs perform.

I am entering that stage of life where I'm going to a lot of baby showers. And that's so exciting! I love watching my friends become mothers. However, just because many of my friends are becoming mothers doesn't mean I'm anywhere ready to become one. I live in an area of the world where the majority of women set aside a career to become a mother, usually at a young age. Let me first say: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I know for so many girls, they grow up dreaming of becoming moms. But to be honest, I never grew up really having that be my sole dream. Growing up in a society that often taught women we were to be wives and moms has more than once left me wondering if there is something wrong with me.

In the sixth grade, we had to do a pretty extensive career report. For years, I'd been obsessed with detective work. My mom regularly bought me mystery kits and I would spend hours in my room "solving crimes". I immediately knew what career I wanted to study for my report: a Crime Scene Investigator. When the day came for us to give our reports, I was one of two girls in my grade that didn't give the presentation of being a hair stylist/stay-at-home mom (not knocking either of those jobs. I love the hair stylists and moms in my life). My friend who was the one other girl to not give the same report quickly added at the end of her report that she would probably be a mom too. I was so proud to talk to my class about being a CSI. I even brought my fingerprint kit and took everyone's fingerprints. It was a hit. I remember for a split second at the end of my report, wondering if I should add something about being a mom, but I couldn't do it because I didn't want to lie. I was 12 and had no clue if I wanted to have children or not. I've never been one to give into pressure.

Check it out! I actually dug up a photo from my 6th grade career report. Enjoy 12-year-old tomboy Kelsey in all her awkward glory. 

Through my teenage years, I remember many a church lesson about motherhood and how as women we are natural nurturers. I know the point of these lessons was never to offend but to help us feel valued, but I never felt valued afterward. I felt worried. I didn't feel nurturing. The idea of homemaking made me want to gag. Did that mean I was broken? Would God not love me?

I can honestly say that I'm growing more fond of the idea of becoming a mother. It still freaks me out . . . but I do know it's something I want to do eventually. But I need to do it for myself and my family. I can't just become a mother because it's expected of me or because it would help me to fit in. I'm not on society's time frame. I'm on mine and God's time frame. I'm also aware that when I do have children, I won't magically turn into a wondrous homemaker as well. I know my strengths. Homemaking is not one of them. Sure, it's something I can work to improve at . . . but I still probably won't enjoy it. But you know what? I'm not going to become a mother so I can make bread and drive kids to soccer practice. I want to someday be a mother so I can teach someone of the profound beauty and value there is to life. I want to someday raise people who might have good influence in the world. That's what attracts me to motherhood. And I want to be an example to my own kids. I want them to see their own mother working at being an influence.

I know people don't always understand me. That's okay. The only person who needs to know the intentions of my heart is God. I know I am worthy in God's eyes. And that's all I need to know. So I'll try to not get frustrated when I call in sick and the whole office spreads rumors that I'm pregnant. I'll try to not get discouraged at church when people act like they pity me because I'm childless. I'll try to not grow annoyed when I'm asked for the millionth time when we are going to start having kids.

My complete worth as a person and as a woman is not based on being a mother. I'm much more complex than that. ;)

So girls, ladies, females: With whatever stage of life you are currently in, I hope you know you're worthy.

Your worth is not based on a relationship.
Your worth is not based on a prom dress.
Your worth is not based on a pant size.
Your worth is not based on a diamond ring or a white dress.
Your worth is not based on children.
Your worth is not based on how many homecooked meals you make per week.
Your worth is not based on how clean your house is.
Your worth is not based on the clothes you wear.
Your worth is not based on your education.
Your worth is not based on your paycheck.
Your worth is not based on your beauty.
Your worth is not based on your sexuality.
Your worth is not based on how old you are.
Or how young you are.

You are worthy. You are a wonderful, complex, passionate human being. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not. You are worth more than you can imagine.      

Never Grow Up

I've been on a Taylor Swift kick lately . . . like the rest of the world. I've loved Taylor though from day one. I remember the first time I heard her. My friend had just bought her first album. I was in high school. We were cruising down the highway in her jeep, wind snaking through our hair, when she cranked up the volume. Young Taylor crooned "Tim Mcgraw" and I was instantly in love.

Fast forward to her "Speak Now" album and I was in even more love. I listened to that album over and over again. I was now a student at Utah State University. I listened to Taylor on my way to classes, while I did homework, while I did laundry, while I cooked. You name it, I was probably listening to T-Swift.

Believe it or not, this post isn't actually about Taylor Swift at all (even though I'm obsessed). This post is about my little sisters.

One day when I was driving home from campus, I had Taylor's "Speak Now" album playing in my van (yes, this was back before my beloved van broke down). I think I was already in a melancholy mood, thinking about how much homework I had and how much I wished I could be five again. That's when the song "Never Grow Up" came on.

The lyrics hit home for me. I felt like it was me speaking to my two little sisters. The first verse reminded me of my baby sister, Chloe. She was little and goofy, and I never wanted that to change. The second verse talked about wanting to grow up and call your own shots, and I instantly thought of my sister, Lexi. She was, at the time, barely a teenager (and developing the attitude of one). She had always been Miss Independent. The third verse was about me. Imagining my dad getting home from work and playing with my little brother, and wishing I could go back to those simpler times. Everyone always claims they relate to Taylor's songs, right? Usually it's a song about heartbreak or love. For me, in that moment of driving home alone, "Never Grow Up" was my song. I didn't want my siblings to grow up. I wanted them to stay young and innocent. I didn't want to watch my parents grow older. I didn't want to grow older either.

As I got lost in the lyrics, I realized I was crying. What the? I pulled in my parking spot at our townhouse and just had a good pathetic sob over my steering wheel. Growing up can be tough stuff sometimes.

Well, since that day, I still haven't figured out how to keep my sisters little. Chloe is now 12 and Lexi is 16. Sometimes it's still weird to think they're that old and sometimes I still get sad about it. Sometimes I get lost in memories of holding them when they were babies, rubbing my cheek against their fuzzy and small heads. But now they're big. No longer babies. Lexi is dating boys now. She recently went to her first Homecoming dance. She looked gorgeous and grown up in her dress, with her hair all curled and pinned up. She let me do her makeup. Chloe is in middle school now, and she's going through that weird stage of not being a little girl anymore and trying to figure out how to be a young woman. Sometimes I catch her talking about boys. One day she was bragging to me about how an 8th grader asked her, a 6th grader, to wear his football jersey. Then she quickly wiped the grin off her face and said, "I don't care though. I don't like boys." Yeah, we'll see about that.

And even though I sometimes still get sad that my little sisters aren't so little anymore, I have to admit that they're in super fun stages right now. Now that they are getting older and more mature, we act less like siblings and more like friends. I mean, Lexi is basically the only person I ever Snap Chat.

 

These photos are from the summer when my sisters slept over at my house. We set up a projector and played "Just Dance" outside. We also had a fire and stuffed ourselves with chips, hot dogs, and s'mores. Then we fell asleep in the tent. It was the absolute best night, one of those that leaves you feeling good for weeks.

Growing up is not always fun, but I think there's definitely more good than bad. I'm learning that there is beauty to each stage of life . . . and I really love the stage I'm at right now (and the people who are around to enjoy it with me). 

Never Grow Up - Taylor Swift 

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older, too
And don't lose the way that you dance around
In your PJs getting ready for school

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

No one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I have
Is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up

Don't you ever grow up
(Never grow up)
Just never grow up

Summer Recap

Today (or maybe it's tomorrow) is the first official day of fall. Fall is my favorite. And I'm all about the change of the seasons. There is something exciting about the air feeling cooler and the leaves turning colors. But for some reason, this year I'm a little hesitant to say goodbye to summer. I guess it was just extra sweet this year. I could go on and on with the memories . . . but I'll keep it short. Here's a mini recap of my top ten favorite summer moments, in no particular order.

1. Costa Rica 

Vacationing is ALWAYS the best part of summer, let's get real. Especially when it means getting another stamp in my passport. 

2. Lake Powell

Again, vacationing, best part. Brian comes from a big boating family and they take at least one trip a year to Lake Powell. They've been super nice to me since I know . . . not a lot . . . about boating. But I love Lake Powell! The red rock, the water, the stars at night . . . it's a much needed escape during the busy summer months. You eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired, and do whatever the heck you want the rest of the time.  

3. Hiking 

Without a doubt, hiking will always be at the top of my summer to-do list and at the top of my summer favorites list. Hiking is such a spiritual experience for me. I'm a very anxious person. My mind constantly races, so quickly that I rarely even have control of my thoughts. Brian is constantly asking me, "What are you thinking right now?" I usually want to answer with, "What am I NOT thinking?" Going on a hike is one of the few things I've found that will turn my mind off. It's my saving grace. And when I'm in the mountains, it's the closest I feel to my Heavenly Father. It's moving to be out and about in His Creations. Hiking inspires me to create (one of my favorite things). It also inspires me to be still (something I constantly struggle with). The photo above was taken on one of my favorite hikes to Naomi Peak.  

4. Becoming a motorcycle mama 

When BWell first presented his idea to buy a motorcycle, I couldn't have been more against it. It's not that the idea of motorcycle scares me, although it probably should, it's more that I'm a tightwad. I'm so against having toys and things that just take up space. After much convincing from that husband of mine, I finally caved. There were a few conditions. He had to sell his car and get a cheaper vehicle. He jumped at the idea. I'm glad things played out this way because, oh my holy gosh, the motorcycle is SO much fun! I'm hoping we can fit in as many rides as possible before the snow hits. And don't worry, we wear our helmets. Safety first!

5. Family reunion at Lava Hot Springs

Lava Hot Springs is the quirkiest, little resort town. My grandma held our family reunion there over a weekend in the summer and we had such a blast! We spent the days at the pool, floating the river, and eating ALL the food with ALL the calories!

6. Late night fires 

I persuaded Brian to put a fire pit in our yard. Best idea ever! We've had a countless amount of fires in our yard, sometimes with a huge group of friends, sometimes just me and BWell. I do have a slight obsession with s'mores, so thanks to this pit I may develop diabetes. Seriously though, I think one reason this summer is a favorite is because we finally have our own yard! It's been pure magic spending our first summer in our bungalow. While I love fall and winter, I'm going to miss reading in my hammock, hanging out in the tree house, eating dinner on our ridiculously huge deck, and watching movies and playing Just Dance on the lawn (we stole my parents projector and hung a huge sheet from our roof). I love having a yard. I've loved saying goodbye to the awkwardness of sharing grass with  other town home dwellers. The only downfall is that if there's dog poop on the grass, I can no longer blame my neighbor. :)
 
7. Being a redhead 

Oh, I miss being a ginger!! I recently went back to brunette and I already miss my fiery red locks a ridiculous amount! While the life of a redhead was a lot of fun, it was also a lot of work. The color faded fast with all the swimming and sun. I definitely was not a fan of all the upkeep but I was a major fan of everything else.

8. One Republic concert

 I got Brian tickets to One Republic for his birthday. We are both huge fans of the band, so we were in heaven the whole night. They are a dream live. American Authors and The Script opened for them . . . both awesome bands. You just can't beat a night of good music. Obviously music is a big deal in our household. I mean, Brian is a musician himself and I'm a goofy radio deejay.

9. Having family in town 

Both of Brian's siblings live out of state so we are lucky when we get to spend time with them. Luckily, we got to see quite a bit of them and their cute families. We had fun playing up our roles as the cool uncle and aunt. But really, they thought Munch was way cooler than both of us.

10. Seeing Wicked with my mom 

Both my mom and I have wanted to see Wicked for a while now. I was tickled when she invited me to go with her after she somehow magically got tickets at last minute. The musical was amazing, but really, we could have been pulling weeds and it would have topped my summer list. Hanging out with my mom one-on-one is always the best!

**Bonus: Starting my own online magazine for women. Check it out at sharingshine.com. It's been a full-time job on top of my real full-time job, yet it's been SO worth it. I'm overwhelmed by the support and encouragement I've received, and it's been empowering to meet new people and make connections.

People are People

Several months ago, the Superbowl happened and there was more controversial talk about the commercials afterward than about the game itself.

When I first saw the Coca-Cola commercial, I was almost in tears. How beautiful, I thought, to bring the many cultures and diversity of our country together in a song. A song about beauty and freedom . . . things that mean something to all people regardless of religious beliefs or what language you speak.

Later when I got on Facebook, I was again almost in tears, but not the good kind. I was in shock over how many hateful comments I read pertaining to Coca-Cola's advertisement. There were comments about how unpatriotic it was that the song wasn't in just English (English isn't our national language, just fyi). There were comments about how people needed to learn English or get out. There were comments (and this brought out my inner-wolf) about how awful it was that the "terrorists' language" was used in the commercial.

I don't know exactly what spell I fell under at that moment, but man oh man, I got defensive. I turned into one of those super opinionated people who start silly arguments on social media. I'm willing to bet I even lost some Facebook friends that night . . . and I won't hold it against them for blocking me or deleting me, because I got intense.

I understand why people get upset about illegal immigrants.

But the thing is, I feel like people very seldom try to understand the risks that come along with being an illegal immigrant, and why they feel those risks are worth it.

If I lived in a country where the government was corrupt and I feared for my life every day, I would want to get out too. If I were treated like a piece of property and denied my basic human rights because I'm a woman, I would not be okay with that.

I can't say I understand immigrants, legal or illegal, but I'd like to try to understand. I was born an American, and I'm proud of that, but that doesn't make me better or smarter than someone who comes from different circumstances. I learned that very humbling lesson at a young age.

In grade school, I was very advanced in reading. I started reading Greek Mythology and Shakespeare when I was in first and second grade (how did I have any friends?). When I was in third grade, my teacher asked me if I would like to be her helper during part of reading time. I proudly said yes.

I grew up in a very small town in Southeastern Idaho, a location abundant in farmland. It was a common thing for Mexican immigrants to come and work on the farms. These families typically did not stay in one place for too long. In third grade, there was the sweetest little Mexican girl in my class. I can still imagine her large brown eyes and mischievous giggle clear as day, but I can't remember her name. I've never been good with names. We will call her Daisy for the sake of the story.

Daisy didn't speak much English and she was behind on her reading. My teacher wanted me to go out in the hall with Daisy for a certain amount of minutes during reading time so I could read with her one-on-one. This quickly became routine for me and Daisy. We would sit with our backs against the wall near our classroom door and make our way through Daisy's basic workbooks. I watched her progress from attempting to sound out one syllable words, to being able to read and comprehend full sentences. It was exhilarating. I was teaching her.

However, I didn't realize how much Daisy would end up teaching me.

We could have built a friendship and understood one another, but there was one problem . . . I was too prideful.

 I made the mistake of thinking I was better than Daisy.

Daisy set me straight.

Fridays were library days. On Fridays, Daisy and I would pick a book to read together for fun. Usually, she ended up just asking me to choose the book. On one of our library days, I told Daisy she could choose any book in the whole library to have me read to her . . . and I wasn't going to help pick it. That's when she led me to a section of the library I'd never been to before. She pulled a picture book from the shelf marked "Espanol".

What did that mean? I was about to find out.

We claimed a spot in the library pit and I opened the book to the first page. I recognized all the letters on the page, but they were thrown together in an order I did not understand. But I couldn't not understand in front of Daisy, so I started sounding out the words and struggled through a paragraph of sentences that held no meaning to me.

And what did Daisy do?

She laughed. She was laughing at me. I quickly felt my face heat up with anger and embarrassment. My palms, damp with sweat, stuck to the pages of this book filled with utter nonsense. How could she be laughing at me? I was smarter than her. I was a better reader than her. That's when she started correcting me as I read words incorrectly, as I had so commonly done for her. I made my way through the book, speaking terrible broken Spanish, with the help of Daisy by my side.

I finally understood how Daisy must have felt every single day she came to school. She showed me that I was not better or smarter, we just had a different understanding. I'm so grateful Daisy taught me such a valuable lesson that afternoon in the library pit of our grade school. It's an experience I will never allow myself to forget. I wish I knew where she went and what she's doing right now . . .

After I simmered down from my Facebook rage and realized that no matter what I think, Coca-Cola will continue to make gobs of money with or without my support of their commercials, I sat back and asked myself why I was so passionate about the subject. Then I asked myself how I was making a difference by merely voicing my opinion on the subject. It's easy to have opinions. It's harder to act on those opinions. So I figured it was my responsibility to act. I recently started volunteering at the English Language Center in my community and thus far it has been so rewarding.

I really do not care what your political views are. Gosh, I can't even make up my mind on my own political views. I'm glad you have opinions even if they are different than mine. However, I don't have much tolerance for hate and arrogance.

It comes down to one basic point: people are people.

People are people . . . with beating hearts in their chests which keep them living and breathing. People are people . . . with hopes, and fears, and insecurities, and passions. We are all people. We're really not that different from one another.

Before you openly call someone a sinner or terrorist, before you label someone as uneducated or poor, remember that person has feelings. Same as you.

Throwback Thursday: The Turtle Story

Throwback Thursday is now a common thing on social media. It consists of an individual sharing a picture from their past. I've decided to take it to the next level. Throwback Thursday will be a new series on the blog where I will share a story from my past. I can't promise it will happen every Thursday, but I can promise it is happening today. 

********

 
As a child, my favorite game involved doing anything where I got to pretend I was someone or somewhere else. As a result, whenever we went to Grandma Reeder's house, I highly suggested to the other grandkids that we play dress up. Being the oldest grandchild, I usually got my way and no one disagreed with my suggestion.

Grandma had a huge old trunk filled to the brim with dress up clothes in her basement. It was all mothballs and memories piled in that chest. There were Halloween costumes our parents once wore, 80s prom dresses, letterman jackets from the 50s, dusty cheerleader pom poms and boxing gloves, faded jerseys, the gaudiest show jewelry . . . you name it . . . it was probably in that trunk.

Playing dress up at Grandma's house usually consisted of the kids marching to the basement to pick out costumes while we left the adults upstairs to sit on couches and armchairs to visit. Once each child had their costume on and their alter ego created, we would parade upstairs again to model for our parents.

One might argue that a child outgrows playing dress up once they reach a certain age. Others might say it's when the child runs out of new clothes to dress up in. Or maybe it's a combination of both. I do not know for certain, but I know how it happened for me. This is the story of why I quit playing dress up. In my family, we refer to it simply as "the turtle story". I was about nine or ten years old although each time my mom tells this story, I magically get older.

 Bad photo quality, but dressing up awkwardly has obviously been a daily occurrence for a very long time. I'm fairly certain this photo was taken on the 24th of July when I wanted to dress like a pioneer. I'm sure my LDS ancestors dressed just like this.

********

I pulled out layer upon layer of material. My fingertips brushed across itchy wool, soft and cool silk, stiff and delicate lace. Every outfit idea I formulated in my brain felt too familiar. Perhaps after several years of playing with these dress up clothes, I had finally reached the point of wearing everything in every possible way it could be worn. I sat on the floor surrounded by articles of clothing, letting the smell of their years fill my nostrils. I closed my eyes and tried to formulate a plan. 

Minutes passed. 

"Kelsey, we're ready to show the grownups," my little brother chimed. 

My eyes popped open to see my brother and cousins in front of me adorned in overcoats, high-heeled shoes, bowler hats, and strings of pearls. My eyes then wandered over to the corner where Grandma did her laundry. I suddenly had a brilliant idea.

"Head upstairs, gang. I'll be right behind. I have a plan," I shouted in my very bossy but very enthusiastic voice. 

As the "gang" lined up and started teetering up the stairs, I skipped over to the dryer. In a rush, I pulled my shirt up over my head and my pants down around my ankles. Then I let my panties drop for good measure. I grabbed the rim of an empty laundry basket, lifted it over my head and set it across my shoulder blades. My costume was complete. This was the best round of dress up I'd ever had. 

I ran over to the carpeted stairs, clinging the laundry basket against my bare skin. Then I got down on all fours and began to crawl upstairs, completely nude, with nothing but a dark green laundry basket to partially cover my small buttocks and back. 

When I reached the top of the stairs, I crawled ever so slowly into the living room, doing my very best to stay in character. The living room suddenly erupted in laughter as I made my grand entrance. I lifted my head and pushed my frizzy dark hair away from my face. My aunts and uncles were rolling across the couch cushions consumed by giggling fits. My mother's eyes were filled with terror and her face burned red with embarrassment. She was nervously laughing. 

"Kelsey! Where are your clothes?" 

Why was everyone laughing at me?*

"Don't you get it," I said defensively. "I'm a turtle."

*I must add that once my grandma controlled her laughter, she told everyone that my turtle costume was actually a very creative idea.    

 

Truth Tuesday

• I'm thinking I'll make Fohawk Friday a regular thing. 

• On Friday, I tried a new soup recipe. Taco soup. Turns out the recipe I followed made enough to feed a whole army. We ate it for the next three days and even invited people over to help us finish it off. You'd think we would be sick of soup. But then we were like, "Soup feeds a lot of people. Let's make a new soup and invite our neighbor friends over." So that happened last night. BWell and I tried a chicken enchilada soup and it was great. To top off the soup party, one of our sweet neighbors brought HOMEMADE bread. And my other dear friend brought the most delicious dessert that gave me an instant sugar high. So basically, soup parties are good things. You should take part in a soup party. Find the taco soup recipe I used here and the chicken enchilada recipe here. 

• I've never seen an episode of "Breaking Bad" or "New Girl" or anything else that's cool for that matter. I don't watch much TV. 

• I interviewed a world champion arm wrestling woman yesterday. Being a journalist is my favorite thing. 

• Tomorrow will mark four years since Brian and I went on our first date. Time flies when you're having fun. 

• The best way, and basically the only way, to keep my house clean is to invite people over.

• Pink proved at the Grammy's, yet again, why she's the coolest. Her performance was probably my favorite. Taylor rocked it too . . . but you just can't beat the acrobatics while singing act. 

Reflecting on 2013

I love looking ahead to a new year. A fresh start. But it's also fun to look back on the last year and smile at the fun memories, remember the hardships and just realize how much of an impact 12 months can have. Here's a quick look at my 2013. 

In January, we started what would be our last semester EVER of school. I spent as many days as I could snowboarding with my little brother at Beaver Mountain and we even took our friend from Ethiopia for his first time on the slopes.

February was spent doing lots of homework . . . including homework for my billiards class. I became a little obsessed and drug Brian to the pool hall on more than one occasion. It payed off though because I ended up winning our eight ball tournament in my billiards class. On top of school work, I also started my job as a morning deejay on Utah's VFX. In other words, my social life quickly died in the month of February since I had to go in to the studio every morning at 5:30 and then straight to classes after. My bedtime ended up being at 9:30 pm. It was all worth it though since I LOVE my job. Brian also got called into the bishopric during this month. Needless to say, we saw a lot less of each other.

With March came Spring Break. Conveniently enough, Brian had Allstate meetings in Las Vegas that very same week. I took time off from work and we made a trip out of it. While BWell went to meetings all morning, I spent time by the pool reading. We also went to the Beatles Love Show, something that's been high on my bucket list for a very long time. We also ate lots of good food, visited the dolphins at The Mirage, went shopping, and did a bit of gambling. In the month of March, I also had a neat experience where I got to do a few stories for Channel 4 News. We're talking shooting, writing and editing. It was high stress but great fun.

In April, I surprised Brian for his birthday with a weekend getaway to St. George. His birthday also happened to be the weekend before finals week. So we didn't study hardly at all for our last finals. Instead, we went swimming and spent time hiking in Zion National Park. Worth it. I also jumped on the ombre hair bandwagon. Oh, and I dyed a streak of my hair Aggie Blue too.

May was an exciting month! We both earned our degrees from Utah State University. Brian was nice enough to walk with me so we didn't have to suffer through two separate ceremonies. During this month, my mom, my aunt, Brian, and I ran the Ogden Half Marathon. It poured rain during the entire race. In May, I also started writing for Cache Valley Daily and my brother received his mission call to California. 

The month of June brought a few fun trips. We spent a weekend in Park City at Sundance Resort. We stayed in a cozy small cabin and watched some Robert Redford films. We also hiked to Stewart Falls and did some shopping at the outlets. We went to Lake Powell for a few days with Brian's family in the month of June as well. BWell also opened up his second insurance office and it was all celebrating over here. I also started serving as an Activity Days Leader in my church ward. Brian and I also decided to start looking into purchasing a house but we kept it on the down low.

July was a month filled with family time. Brian's siblings came to Utah for Independence Day. We hung out with them and watched fireworks that night on the boat. We also spent as much time as possible with Jace before he left on his mission at the end of the month. We went fluming, swimming and mountain exploring with my family. I also served as Assistant Camp Director for girls' camp and July was the month of camping. We had an amazing time and ate like queens. Toward the end of July, we had our annual party with my mom's family at Bear Lake. Only a couple days after Bear Lake, my dashing brother packed his bags and we dropped him off at the MTC, saying goodbye for two years. 

In August, we celebrated our second anniversary. It seems like we spent every weekend hiking. I also went to my very first Bees' game and we went with our friends Jace and Shay. August was also fair time. It also felt very satisfying when everyone went back to school but we didn't have to.  

September. Ah, September. This was the month we bought our bungalow. As soon as we were handed the keys, we ran over to Home Depot and bought paint. We had a lot of work ahead of us. From there on out, we spent all of September prepping our home. We repainted nearly every room in the house. Boy, it was a lot of work. But it was worth it. From all the painting, packing and other manual labor, my arm muscles grew and Brian and I grew closer together too. 

October is always a favorite month and this year's didn't fail me. We moved into our new old house and continued working to make it our home. The first week of October, I went to Brave Girls' Camp with my mom. We created art in a little barn in Idaho, surrounded by women from all over the world. We entered the barn as strangers and left as sisters. BWell and I went a little overboard on Halloween. We dressed like zombies and donated canned food for our town's Zombie Walk (an annual event for our local food pantry). We were glued to our television watching scary movies. We wrapped up the month and the Halloween holiday with a friend Halloween party. 

Basically the whole month of November, I was battling a bad cold but that didn't stop me from fitting in some fun. I went to a Selena Gomez concert with my mom and sisters. We also took my sister, Chloe, to her first USU football game. We hosted Thanksgiving at our bungalow and that was quite an adventure. Thankfully, Brian's family is awesome in the kitchen . . . so they brought the food to us. After getting so sick of my longer hair that I wanted to pull it out, I chopped it all off instead. In November, I also wrote a blog post that went viral. That was a strange experience.  

December was filled with everything Christmas. We were able to spend a lot of time with our families. We finally got to meet our sweet little baby niece and we Skyped with my brother on Christmas Day. We also hosted way too many parties. By the end of the month, I think we just wanted to lock our doors and hide inside for a while. We bought ourselves an early Christmas present . . . a treadmill! Hello to working out at home. In between Christmas and New Year's, I celebrated my 23rd birthday. 

******

To be honest, 2013 wasn't my best year. On the surface, it looks great. I earned my degree and bought my first house. I still have good health and all the necessities of life, so I can't really complain. However, 2013 was a hard year for me personally. I experienced lots of doubt and faced my insecurities head on. I battled through some dark patches where I felt completely alone and the hardest part was that during the dark patches, I had to go on with life acting like there was nothing wrong at all. Looking back, I don't really know how I made it through a couple of the past months, through a handful of the last 365 days. But I did it. I kept taking steps forward, praying I'd see some light again. And now there is light all around and light all ahead for the year of 2014. I know this paragraph is very ambiguous. Perhaps one day many days from now, I'll be more comfortable with the trials I faced to talk about them. Or perhaps they'll always stay as they are now, between me and God. Either way, I just wanted to share that I had those days--months--where I just wanted to throw in the towel. We all have them even if we never talk about them. Looking back on 2013, I definitely wouldn't want to relive it . . . but I'm grateful I lived through it once. Hardships bring growth, and I've seen that in myself. When I look in the mirror now, I don't just see a person. I see a soul. And I see souls of others now when I look around me. I'm grateful that 2013 taught me to see the world with different eyes.

Happy 2014! May we all celebrate the good days and be grateful for the hard days.    

The Gift of Experience

BWell and I decided to keep things simple this Christmas. Where we bought a house a few months ago, we came to the conclusion that it would be better to save instead of spend. After having a talk about it, we came to the conclusion that we would do stockings for one another and one or two small gifts for under the tree. Then we thought that instead of spending time and money shopping for one another, we would use that time to do extra holiday festivities together. There is nothing as wonderful as the gift of experience. Honestly, Christmas Day for me is never the best part. It's the weeks leading up to Christmas that I dwell on. It's the parties, the decorating, the good deeds, the planning, the celebrating. Presents are nice to open, but they are never as memorable as actual experiences.

Now for a random list of things we either have already done or plan on doing before the start of the new year:

• Go to a Christmas performance of some kind (we went to The Nutcracker)

• Make and decorate sugar cookies (check) 

• Build a snowman

• Decorate our Christmas tree while listening to Christmas tunes (been there, done that)

• Watch our favorite Christmas movies while wrapping gifts (did this but I'm sure there is more to come)

• Create a gingerbread house (we did this with a couple extra creative friends and it was a blast) 

• Clean out our closets and donate old clothes to those in need

• Make a treat and deliver it to neighbors (we did this on National Cookie Day) 

• Go caroling 

• Wear ugly Christmas sweaters (we got to do this for my work Christmas party)

• Create a funny Christmas card together (I'll share the card soon. It's fantastic and involves miniature donkeys) 

• Go to Temple Square and see the lights

• Go sledding

• Drink hot cocoa and drive around town to look at lights (we accomplished this last night with my mom and sisters)

• Pay for someone behind us at a drive-through

• Go on a snowshoeing expedition 

I sure do love this time of year. While I love parties, wrapping paper and Santa, it's refreshing to center my thoughts on what really matters: God and people. Merry Christmas! I hope you fill yours with experiences spent with the people you love.

What is Beauty?

When I was a little girl, I believed that long hair was a sign of beauty. Every Disney princess I knew of had long hair. I would read my picture book about the story of Rapunzel. Her long hair won her a guy. I never read stories or watched movies where the heroine had short hair. It was always long, shiny, healthy, and flowing.

I grew my hair out and for a while, it was long, shiny, healthy, and flowing like the hair of the Disney princesses I watched on-screen.

Then it was the summer before I would go to middle school. I was no longer the little girl who wore scrunchies in my hair and jelly shoes on my feet. I now had a mind of my own. At an age when so many are self-conscious . . . .I was strangely confident. I was prepared to enter the world of lockers and gym class with a bold new look. I was ready to get rid of my hair.

I clipped a picture of Halle Berry out of a magazine and told my mom to schedule a haircut appointment.

I remember how light my head felt after cutting off my thick chestnut brown hair. I ran my fingers through the short and spiky tresses and I felt so beautiful. It was my own kind of beautiful. Not the kind of beautiful society had tried forcing me to believe in.

As women, we live in a world where we are constantly told we must meet some certain standard to be beautiful. Skinny is beautiful. Long hair is beautiful. Bronzed skin is beautiful. Straight teeth are beautiful. Dark eyelashes are beautiful. We spend so much time applying makeup over blemishes, eating less and working out more. We all too often look in the mirror and see all the things we wish to change about ourselves in order to fit this definition of beauty.

Well, we are being lied to.

Beauty isn't about looking a certain way or fitting a specific mold.

Beauty is being comfortable in our own skin. Beauty is in speaking kindly. Beauty is living our lives in a way that makes us happy. Beauty is in the way we act and the way we carry ourselves.

I recently cut my hair off again and I keep having moments of doubt. I become conquered by my insecurities. Is my nose too big? Do I look like a boy? Did I make a mistake?

Then I try to remind myself of that preteen who so boldly cut her hair because she wanted to. She deserves some self-love. She is worthy of confidence. She has the right to feel beautiful.

I hope tomorrow you'll look in the mirror and notice all the things you like about yourself. I hope you'll feel beautiful and be slow to judge yourself too harshly. I hope you will speak kindly to yourself. Beauty can be found in all things. You are a beautiful soul.

I have short hair, a flat chest and stretch marks on my legs, and I'm beautiful.   

Truth Tuesday

• I enjoyed myself thoroughly last week at Selena Gomez's concert with my mom and sisters. I shamelessly sang "Slow Down" at the top of my lungs. Also, Emblem 3 was the opening act and who knew, they have a lot of awesome songs besides "Chloe". Ironically enough, we went to this concert for my little sister, Chloe's birthday. While it was a fun girls' night, I couldn't help but think of my brother who is currently serving an LDS mission. Jace (that's my brother) has always had a huge crush on Selena Gomez. That's why I tried my best to bring a bit of Jace to the concert with us. Seriously, I crack myself up. I emailed the below pictures to him and I hope they make him laugh. We are going to start taking this cut-out of Jace with us to all major events/vacations.

• I bought orange juice recently and I had never been so happy to buy a fruity beverage. The best buy date was Christmas Day. The holidays are coming! 

• I think I've sat in our hot tub every night this week. Thank you people we bought our house from, for leaving your hot tub behind. It's being put to good use. 

• Eating applesauce makes me gag. Therefore, I don't eat applesauce. 

• For some reason, I can never take Harrison Ford seriously. He's always so stern in all his movies and it makes me laugh.

• More often than not, I forget to take the tags off my new clothes. Oops. 

• Today I told Brian I wanted a Great Gatsby-themed birthday party. He laughed and asked me if I was a 16-year-old girl. 

• One of my favorite songs of all time is "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. Don't judge. 

• I often have moments where I miss my short hair but then I brush those moments off. Well, this time I can't seem to fight it. I want to cut my hair. I mean, when I get on Pinterest and search through photos of Carey Mulligan and Michelle Williams can you really blame me? I'm open to advice. To chop or not to chop?