So You Want a Dog?

It's been a month ago now (I'm behind on everything), but we took Munch to the dog beach at Bear Lake for his first time and he was in doggy heaven. I was like a proud mom watching her kid graduate from preschool, seeing my pup splash through the waves and chew on sticks. 

In March, it marked a year since we rescued our Munch. We couldn't imagine life without a dog. We sure got lucky, because Munch is perfect for us. Everyone's experience is different, but I thought I'd just give a little spill of the things we've learned since becoming dog-owners. Maybe it will help someone else who wants to add a canine friend to the family. 

Tip 1: Check your local shelters before buying a dog from a breeder!!

People might think I'm a goofball, but I'm definitely passionate about pet adoption! My very favorite dogs we had growing up were poor puppies that we found as strays. My parents live up a canyon in a secluded area and people often drop their dogs off and leave them for dead (sad face). We often found these strays and my big-hearted, sensitive mom would take them in. My parents' current dog is one we found when I was 15. He had been wandering around in a snowstorm for hours. My mom loaded him in the car and brought him home. I remember helping her feed him and warm him with towels . . . his whole body was quivering. We couldn't find his owner, so we kept him as our own and named him Ringo. He is the sweetest and most loyal dog, and I swear it's partly because we took him in and loved him when no one else would. They say an elephant never forgets . . . I like to believe dogs are the same. Because of my childhood experiences, I knew for my adult life, I wanted to adopt my first dog. Brian and I chose to adopt through Four Paws because they are a no-kill shelter. Sadly, many shelters put dogs down if they don't find forever homes. Four Paws rescues many of the dogs at our local shelter when their time runs out. Four Paws sincerely cares about the animals they provide for and they want to find homes that are a good fit. Because of this, Four Paws was super amazing to work with. They let us do a "trial run" with Munch before we officially signed all the papers. They also had a lot of information on all their dogs because they really work on getting familiar with each dog's personality. Oh, and an added bonus with Four Paws is that they fix all their dogs and have their shots up to date, so you won't have to worry about it. Since rescuing Munch, I think I'm going to go with the rescue route for life. Munch is the sweetest dog. Again, I think it's because we gave him a home when he went without for so long. I don't know where Munch came from before Four Paws, but we've found evidence that he was abused. He flinches if we make quick movements or pick objects up. It is tragic to know he probably didn't have the best life as a puppy, but I feel a little bit of fulfillment knowing I can now give him the love he so deserves. Going to a dog shelter is heart-breaking. There are way too many dogs that go their entire lives without loving homes. Many of them have terrible pasts (we refer to it as Munch's "thug life"). I wish I could adopt them all (maybe one day when we have a bigger yard . . . scooping poop should be fun). So please, please, PLEASE if you are considering getting a dog, check with shelters before going to a breeder. You might not get the exact breed you want, but get over it. The dog's personality matters much more than what breed it is. Surprisingly enough, you can often find full-bred dogs at shelters if you check frequently (they get snatched up fast though). Tragically enough, this is due to irresponsible breeders and irresponsible owners, which brings me to my next tip . . .  

Tip 2: If you do go to a breeder, make sure they are reputable 

If you really do want to pay for a full-bred dog (which will cost more money than pet adoption, mind you), make sure you do your research on breeders. There are way too many irresponsible breeders who don't care about the safety of the dogs. They have only money in mind. With that being said, there are breeders who are passionate about what they do and they act responsibly, making sure their dogs go to safe homes. Choose one of these loving breeders to go through and avoid evil puppy mills at all costs! 

Tip 3: Do your research

Different breeds are often more apt to have certain personality traits, abilities, or health problems. For example, some breeds have higher energy levels than others. If you get a higher energy dog, you'll have to plan on having space for it to run around and you'll have to walk it more frequently. Certain breeds make great running partners while others are just not natural-born athletes. Certain breeds are also more likely to have joint problems later in life, so that's something you need to be familiar with and prepared for. If you think you want a certain type of dog, do your research beforehand. You might find that in reality, it's not the best dog for your lifestyle. I once heard a story of a couple who bought a dog when they were both in school and working, only to later find out the certain breed required constant attention. They didn't keep the dog for long and then sold it to the first person who was willing to buy. Not a great situation for the humans or the dog. The problem could have been avoided if they would have learned about the dog before bringing it home. I have another example from my own life. When "101 Dalmatians" came out, I was obsessed to say the least. I was a dalmatian for Halloween two years in a row and I watched the cartoon on repeat. Then I begged my parents to get me a dalmatian. Since at the time, I was their only precious daughter, they caved and let me get my dream dog. From my childhood memories, I recall that dog being a total demon. I don't even remember his name, I only remember being terrified of him. If you didn't know, dalmatians are VERY hyper dogs. Every time I set foot outdoors, I was knocked over, held down and drooled on by that dalmatian. I have a very distinct memory of being pinned under him, screaming for help while my parents watched and laughed. So anyway, a dalmatian might not be the best choice of dog to get for your three year old . . . unless you hate your three year old.

Tip 4: Make sure you have the time 

Being a dog owner is a real commitment, especially since dogs live for over ten years on average. This is a living, breathing thing that needs your attention and love. You'll need to walk it, feed it, clean up after it, and socialize with it. If you are not home often, you might want to wait for a time in your life when you are around more to get that pup. So yes, if you're in school and working, I'd suggest waiting. If you travel a lot and don't have someone to care for your pet while you're gone, wait. Brian and I both grew up our whole lives with a dog around. Honestly, the hardest part of moving away to college was being away from my dogs. After we first got married, we were dog-hungry, but we knew getting a dog would be irresponsible of us. We were both in school and working full-time. We hardly had time to spend with one another . . . how would we have the time to pay attention to a needy dog? When we got a better handle on our lives, we brought Luna home. The nice thing about cats is that they aren't near as dependent as dogs. Luna worked with our situation at the time since we were only home a few hours a day and were also living in a small apartment. Brian and I made the decision early on that we wouldn't get a dog until 1) we were both done with school and 2) we had a yard where a dog would have room to roam around. Even though I missed owning a dog for several years, I'm grateful I waited.  

Tip 5: Puppies are cute, but they're not for everyone 

Puppies are probably one of the most adorable things on the planet. However, they are also destructive. They will chew things apart. They will have accidents. They will be annoying at times. Yes, puppies are cute . . . but they are not always the answer. If you get a puppy, you will need the time and commitment to train it. You will also need patience. I mean, a puppy is a baby after all. It doesn't know any better. It's a baby you need to teach. A baby with claws and sharp teeth. Just keep that in mind. While I love puppies, Brian and I knew a more mature dog would be better for our life situation. While we are home more, we both still have jobs. We wouldn't have the time to work with a baby dog. And while puppies are cute, so are grownup dogs. Munch is probably around four-years-old. This means he is still young and playful, but he's old enough that he is rarely naughty. He's a great age for our situation. He was already trained to some degree when we brought him home, and he still has the energy to go on runs and hikes with us.  

Tip 6: Be patient 

To be a good dog-owner, you must have patience. Your dog isn't going to act perfectly the second you bring him or her home. Your dog will make mistakes and you will make mistakes too. Don't be too hard on yourself or your loyal friend. Over time, your dog will get comfortable, feel more at home, and also behave better. With time, you will also become more familiar with your dog's strengths and weaknesses. We quickly learned that if Munch isn't on a leash, he will make a mad dash for it. There were several times last summer when we accidentally left our gate door open too long and Munch took off, painting the town red. It was embarrassing to say the least, when we had to drive around asking neighbors if they'd seen him. Luckily, we always found him or he came back home. Now we know better though. Munch knows better too. A year later and he knows he's not supposed to leave the yard. Another thing about Munch is that he was attacked by a bigger dog while at the shelter. When we first brought him home, he actually had some battle wounds from the attack. With that being said, Munch can sometimes be hesitant around other dogs. We've had to be patient working with him on this. We've learned that if we are in a controlled environment, he has no problem being around other four-legged friends. Be patient. Over time, you and your dog will find your groove. If you feel you need extra help with your dog, many places offer affordable obedience classes.    

Hopefully those tips are of assistance. I'm no professional dog expert but just wanted to share some things we learned from our own experience. We can't imagine our lives without Munch. Being a dog-owner is the absolute best. It can be a lot of work, but I know you will love it!  

Three Years

Yesterday marked three years of marriage for me and Brian. I'd be lying if I said it's been the easiest three years of my life. Marriage is hard. Some days I wonder what in the world I signed up for.

The past year has been so good for me. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this marriage thing. For a long time, I thought I needed to fit a certain mold of what a wife was. Then I immediately realized I could never fit that mold, which made me feel like a failure. I spent months at a time questioning if I could ever be a good wife, if maybe marriage just wasn't a thing that worked with the way my personality is wired.

I've realized I was feeding myself a whole lot of garbage. There is no mold I have to fit to be a good wife, daughter, or sister. Healthy relationships last when both people give and contribute. I'm going to give and show love differently than the next person, and that's okay.

There is nothing wrong with seeking the marriage advice of others or reading marriage books. However, I believe every relationship is unique. You know what's best for you. The most important thing is not to turn to another person or a book but to turn to your spouse. And don't you ever dare let yourself feel guilty for the way you convey love. There is no one right way to love someone.

I love Brian. I'm so thankful we chose to go on this journey hand-in-hand. I can't wait to see what the next year brings!

Last night we had a delicious Italian dinner at Le Nonne and then hot-tubbed in the rain. About a month ago, Brian also told me he was taking me on a surprise vacation. Yesterday I finally convinced him to tell me. Throughout the day he sent me photos of our hotel, beaches, rain forests, and then he wrapped it all up with a picture of baby sloths. We're going to COSTA RICA! I can't wait. Doesn't that sound like the perfect anniversary? Wait, it took a turn for the worse.

This morning my body decided it hates me so I threw up a bunch of times. All day Brian has been taking care of me in between work and everything else. Just a reminder of what a good man I snagged. In sickness and in health, right?  

P.S. I got Brian the best card ever.

The inside says, "You have (most of) my heart." 

Meet Munch

Really big and really important news! We've made an addition to our family. Meet Munch the Pooch. We rescued him from a shelter and are currently working through the adoption process. I was trying to keep my mouth shut until all the papers were signed . . . but it's taking longer than I had anticipated. Hopefully he will be officially ours by the end of the week. He's been at our house for almost a week now and he has adjusted so well. Also, I think Luna has finally accepted that she is no longer our only pet. She can be such a priss . . . but I think she's decided Munch can stick around since she's still the superior animal. After all, she gets to sleep on the humans' bed at night and the dog has to sleep in a crate.

Munch is such a sweetheart. He is gentle and loving . . . he never wants to leave our side. He's had a bit of a rough life: missing teeth, torn lip, cut ears. I can't wait to pamper him and give him the love he so deserves. And oh my, the summer is going to be a ball. I can't wait to take him on runs, walks and hikes. I took him out on his first run on Monday . . . we took turns dragging each other . . . but by the end, we were in our element. I think I have a new running pal.

Speaking of pals . . . the shelter actually gave Munch the name of Pal. But he doesn't respond to Pal, so we thought it would be okay to rename him. Does anyone know, is this breaking some kind of sacred rule or will it be okay? I really don't want to offend anyone at the shelter because they've been so great to work with.

I can't wait to share our journey of finding the right dog on this here blog. A dog is a huge commitment, and I'd like to share our experience with others who might have the same questions we had. And I know it's so important to do what's right for you personally, but I do think adopting can be a great option. If you have any questions, ask. I'll be writing a follow-up post soon.  

#myhusbandisbetterthanyours

It's the hashtag that makes me cringe above all hashtags (and there are many cringe-worthy hashtags out there). I've seen it time after time and it's always bothered me, but then I just shrug it off. It's not a big deal.

Or is it a big deal?

Marriage is not a competition. It shouldn't be. But the first year of our marriage, I quickly found that for many people that is exactly what it is. I think it even became that for me. I started to feel this icky pressure to prove to the world that Brian and I had a worthy love story. I needed to show all outsiders that our life was good, our home was clean, that I was a desirable wife, and most importantly, that Brian was a flawless husband. I posted pictures to Instagram when he brought me breakfast in bed. I wrote out a mushy Facebook status when he brought flowers home from work. Looking back on that first year, I just roll my eyes at a lot of the things I did and shared, all just to prove to others that our marriage was happy and we were lovesick for one another. What a cheap act for me to pull, really. It wasn't right for me to put Brian's acts of love on display for the world to see. It was degrading, really.

Not only was it degrading to my own relationship, but I can see clearly now how it could have been degrading to other couples. Putting everything out there, perfectly rehearsed, can be hurtful to the couple who may have just had a fight, are struggling financially or are in any other kind of a rut. When you're saying your husband is the best, someone might actually believe it, and that might bruise their heart.

I hope that each woman truly believes that her husband is the best. That's how it should be. I know Brian is the best for me. However, that gives me no right to say he's better than all other husbands. That's simply not true. Every love story is special and sacred.

I've learned my lesson. Marriage isn't a competition to be the most in love. It's not something to be put up on display for others to judge and compare themselves to. Marriage is a sacred thing between you and your companion. Sure, I love seeing the occasional mushy Facebook status from other couples and it makes me happy to hear about how your husband brought you home a really great surprise. I'm not saying to never share. I am only suggesting that maybe we all need to ask ourselves every now and again, "Am I over sharing?" Also, when we share pieces of our marriage, we can do it in a manner that enlightens and lifts others up in their own marriages and relationships. We are a community of women; from here on out I want to strive to strengthen my sisters in their own relationships. I'm so over the comparison game and I want to kick the "let me paint this picture that my life is perfect" thing in the gutter.

My husband is not perfect. He does things that drive me bonkers.

And I still love him.

#ourhusbandsrock

Aint No Party Like a Halloween Party

Brian and I have put on a Halloween party for the past three years (so basically every Halloween we've ever been married). One ridiculous thing I really love about our marriage is the fact that both of us have this yearning for being party planners. We are both all about inviting people over and making sure they have a good time. We have a ways to go until we are pros at throwing parties, but I must say that this year's Halloween party was the best yet. It helps when you have great friends to make it fun. I've decided it also helps when you live in a house and not an apartment. Our bungalow has a really good setup for parties. Big open living room connected to a big open dining room. Expect plenty of parties in the future. On top of that, I read that according to a study, when a group of people were put in a yellow room together, they were more boisterous and ate more food. Yellow is the party color. Our living room ceiling . . . bright yellow. Score.

The magical part about this party, was that hardly any of the couples knew one another. They were all our friends but not friends with each another. However, by the end of the night, I think everyone knew more than they wanted to know about the other couples.

Here is a rundown of our successful party.

We invited every couple to bring a treat or drink of some kind. We made an event on Facebook so people could notify everyone what they would bring. That way we wouldn't all show up with drinks.

I made chocolate covered strawberry . . . creatures. They were originally supposed to be ghosts, but things went south.

The treats were great because as everyone started arriving, they could grab a plate of food, sit down and get to know other couples.

Once everyone got their fill of food and most of our friends had arrived, we played our first game. Truth or Dare Jenga. We took the classic game of Jenga and numbered all the blocks. Since there are about 53 blocks, we didn't actually think of truths and dares for all of them but we did for a little over half. There were things connected to the blocks such as, "tell us how you make a PB&J sandwich using a Dracula accent", "stare at the person across from you for a full minute", "eat a spoonful of mustard", "what's something disturbing about yourself that no one else knows". Just dumb stuff like that. If a person pulled a block with no truth or dare, they were off the hook. We didn't really have a punishment for what happened to the person who knocked down the blocks, so at last minute we decided that person would have to kiss Luna (our cat). It was a fun game to start on and got people laughing.

Then we played the Newlywed Game - Halloween Edition. This game was hilarious. Some of the questions were slightly off-colored which made it funnier. And hey, all the couples there but one were married. The unmarried couple were super good sports about it. This game lasted a long time since we did a round with the ladies and a round with the men, but I don't think anyone ever got bored.

I'd say the Weller Halloween Party of 2013 was a success. Come over again soon, friends. We also requested that everyone wear costumes. We should have done a costume contest because look how grand everyone looked . . .

After much debating this year, BWell and I decided on Mario and Luigi costumes. We made our hats and found shirts and suspenders for cheap. The stick-on mustaches were a fun touch, though it was hard to smile and my upper lip got sweaty. Overall, a super easy costume. To be a bit more original, we made Mario Kart cars out of cardboard. Brian got all technical and made a wooden base with handles on the inside. Since he worked so hard on them, I now feel like I need to keep them forever? 

Dear Halloween, you're almost as good as Christmas. Catch you next year. 

   

Unplugged

Last weekend, we hiked to what is believed to be the oldest tree in the state of Utah (Jardine Juniper hike). It's basically in our backyard! It was a long 12 mile hike, so we decided to camp near the trail head so we could get an early start.

When Brian and I first got married, we were super paranoid about becoming that couple. You know, the kind that drops off the face of the planet and never does anything with anyone else but each other? We were constantly doing fun things, but never wanting to do them without a group of people to join us. We wanted to do everything with friends. It's nice to have friends and I feel like we've been blessed to have such an amazing support group. But I'm beginning to learn that it is more than okay to have fun alone together, just as a couple.

Brian and I are also pretty attached to technology at times. I hate to admit that, but we are. Our jobs often times force us to be. I'm constantly checking twitter, news websites and Facebook to see if there is any local news I need to get on top of, and Brian often is replying to customers via email. The world can get so loud and distracting at times.

We needed this weekend to truly have "us" time. No other people. No cell phone service. No internet. It was amazing to completely unplug and pay attention to what was happening around us, in the moment. On Friday night, we huddled around the fire and just talked about our relationship and our future. Then we went to bed in our little tent, the sound of churning water in the riverbed nearby put us to sleep.

Then there was the hike. I'm telling you, being in the mountains is the cure for just about any problem. We walked, talked, laughed, slipped a few times on loose rocks, ate Scooby Doo fruit snacks, and often times we just stopped in awe of the landscape that surrounded us. This world is a beautiful place. Even that twisted and gnarly old tree is beautiful. Actually, it's especially beautiful.
 

August

I never really planned my wedding up until I was engaged. I didn't clip pictures of brides out of magazines. I didn't fantasize about my diamond ring. I didn't know wedding colors were a thing until I was 19 years old. So, of course, I never really thought about what time of the year would be a good time to get married. I guess there is really no wrong time. As long as it's with the right person.

Two and a half years ago, we decided on the date of August 5th.

August has always been a meaningful month to me. It's a month that symbolizes the end of something and the start of something new. Often times, that ending was summer vacation which meant the start of a new school year.

When I got married it was the end of being single and selfish. Two years ago, August was the start of something very new for me: marriage.

The past two years have been filled with happy moments but they've also had their fill of ugly moments. I just focus on and broadcast those happy ones more often. Marriage is hard. Sometimes it hurts. But I also believe it can be the most rewarding and strengthening thing in this entire world. It's a lot of learning and stumbling, and that's good.

So hello, August. Let's celebrate new beginnings, whatever those may be.

Best Photobomb Ever

Meet my aunt Amy; marathon runner, dessert-making master, and pro goofball.

Have a great weekend. I'll be spending mine with BWell, celebrating two years of marriage. We're old fogies now.

Camping In

I don't know what came over me.

 I found myself wanting scary stories told over a bonfire.
 Sleeping on the ground under stars.
I found myself wanting summer over the weekend.

 So I came up with a temporary fix. I politely begged Brian to go on a camp in with me. Essentially like a camp out, only indoors.

We put our gas stove to use and made s'mores. Typically, I am afraid of that oven. I've never had a gas stove until this apartment. And I always just associate gas stoves with carbon monoxide poisonings. I can't even tell you how many times a day I obsessively check to make sure all the switches on the oven are off. I would just hate to accidentally kill myself with a kitchen appliance, ya know? But Saturday night, I was grateful for the gas stove when in it assisted us in roasting some delightful mallows. Then we rearranged the furniture in our living room to make a spot in the center of the room for our air mattress. After blowing it up and piling it with blankets and pillows, we cuddled, snacked on s'mores, and watched Argo (which won the very deserving award of best picture at the Oscars on Sunday, although I do still love Les Miserables).

T'was a very fine camp in, indeed. Although, I will admit that we wimped out and abandoned the air mattress for our comfortable bed upstairs once the movie ended. That's one luxury you can't enjoy on a camp out.

How do you handle "spring fever"? Do you talk people into having camp ins like I did?  

January 28th

Maybe a regular Monday for most, but January 28th will always mean a little something to me. 

It was January 28th, 2010, when a cute blonde boy rang my doorbell. I opened the door, to see him slyly smiling at me. I felt a mixture of emotions: happy, excited, nervous. I think those emotions are all pretty common for a girl to feel when she goes out with a boy for the first time. I sent him a text earlier that day asking him what we were doing for our date. His response was that it was a surprise. I interpreted that in two ways. Either 1) it really was a surprise and would probably be good or 2) he had no idea what we were doing yet. Both of my interpretations ended up being correct. He had planned not one, but five or six dates, and we left it up to chance to see which date we would actually go on. 

It ended up being the best first date of my life. So good that three years later, I am still dating him. It's funny to think that something as simple as a first date could end up having so much meaning. It means enough that every year we celebrate and relive that first date. And every year he brings me a bouquet of roses.

-three roses to celebrate three years-

New Beginnings

My first kiss of 2013 and the famous Keller firework show put on by my dad and brother

I've never been one who is huge on New Year's resolutions. The new year is symbolic of new beginnings. I get that. It's cute and all, but I feel like you can start your own new beginning on any day of any given year.

My other issue with New Year's resolutions is that people rarely keep them. I applaud you if you are a person who does stick to your resolutions. I think that is absolutely awesome. I just think people get in this wrong mindset. Like, "I'm going to lose x amount of weight and have a totally ripped bod even though I haven't worked out in five years." We all know what happens. The gym is a living nightmare packed with people for the first two weeks of January, and then it slims down to the regulars again. Sad, but true. Why not set realistic goals? Why not break the big goal of the year down into little parts? For example, decide you'll go to the gym three days a week for the month of January. Then maybe bump it up to four. Sign up for a race and train for it.

It's kind of like marriage. You don't just marry a person and think, "Okay, now we are going to live happily ever after." That's right, Snow White and Cinderella were full of crap. I know, I'm disappointed too. But you have to work at marriage, just like you have to work at anything that reaps something good. Life isn't perfect. Life is messy. The thing with messes is that they are a lot easier to clean up when the mess is little, before it turns into a giant mess.

That's why I decided for my 2013 resolutions, I'm going to really break things down. I want to break things down to the month and even to the week.

So I bought myself a notepad, and every Sunday I want to try writing down five simple goals to accomplish that week. For this week I wrote down: 1) Make the bed every morning 2) Try a new recipe 3) Make art 4) Pleasure read for half an hour every day 5) Make out with Brian. Brian wrote the last one because I was having a hard time thinking of a fifth one. These weekly goals will usually be very simple things, but I feel like it will be a good way to make a habit of accomplishing things. I am excited to see if it works.

Another goal I've made for 2013 is to read a (fun) book every month. I know that probably isn't that hard for a lot of people. Many people read several books in just one month. But sometimes I get so consumed with other things that I forget to pleasure read. And when I do have time to pleasure read, I feel guilty about it. I think about all the other things I should be doing instead of sitting and reading. I want to get over these feelings of guilt because I believe reading is a very rewarding and important thing. If you know me, you know I am a book worm. I love books, I just want to learn to make time for them again. It seems like ever since I started college, my pleasure reading kicks have come in spurts. I want it to be a naturally occurring thing again. In high school, pleasure reading was like brushing my teeth. Every night I did it before going to bed. I would love to do that again. I hope by having a certain book set for every month that I can make this goal happen.

My big goals for the entire year are to be to church on time, to do scripture study with Brian (we've been pretty awful at this in the past), and to do things that scare me. I know that last one is really broad, but it's meant to be broad. I think it would be ideal to try something that scares me every day. I am not saying I'm going to turn into some dare devil. I'm talking about smaller things. For example, I made myself sign up for a billiards class. I love shooting pool but I've never been that great and I never even knew all the rules. For this reason, I've wanted to take a billiards class for years but have always chickened out. I didn't want to try something that I knew I could possibly be the very worst at in the whole class. However, I decided to sign up for the class and get over my fear of not being good at something. And guess what? I'm pretty sure on the first day I was the worst in the class. But after a few classes, I'm already starting to shoot really well. The instructor taught me how to hold the cue correctly (ha) and he taught me how to start making some difficult shots with a few simple tips. It feels fantastic to know that I am already getting good at something that I've secretly wanted to be good at for years.

So here is to 2013! Here's to breaking down goals to the basics, to reading more, and to trying things that scare me!

Like a Lady

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. More commonly known as LDS or Mormon. My religion means everything to me. I sometimes wonder how I would make it a day without the precious knowledge I have of who I am, where I came from, and where I'm going.

 On December 16th, just last Sunday, some LDS women chose to wear pants to church. The event was created by All Enlist, a group dedicated to gender equality within the LDS church.

If you were to ask those who are close to me if I, Kelsey Keller Weller, am a feminist, I think many who know me would say yes. I am not a "man hater" by any means. I'm married to a man who I love very much. However, I believe that women are just as capable as men at many things.

I've been a feminist ever since I was a little girl. In grade school, I was big into Nancy Drew mystery books. Every time I had my nose in one, some adult would mention to me, "Oh, you like Nancy Drew? You should read the Hardy Boys then. You would love them." Then, nine year old me would try my hardest not to rudely glare at said adult. I was a Nancy Drew girl through and through. I would never betray her for the Hardy Boys.

I was also ready to challenge any boy who ever picked on me to a foot race. I could outrun every boy in my class, so they usually respected me. When I approached their game of football, they would let me join even though I was a girl. Eventually though, we all hit puberty. Then the boys in my class became men and some of them grew to be faster than me.

With puberty came high school, and with high school came dating. I rarely let my dates open the car door for me. I never would be kissed on the first date. I constantly thought strategically when it came to the dating game. I hated the word "boyfriend". As boys I dated turned 19 and left on LDS missions, they would ask endearingly, "write to me?" And I always gave a half-hearted, "sure". I was such a brat. Let's be real though, you know they all asked about twenty other girls to write them as well :).

Now I am married. It can be quite a juggling act to add another person's desires and dreams to your own. It can get messy. But it can also be very rewarding. And fun! Even though we haven't been married that long, I feel like Brian and I haven't fallen into the gender roles of husband and wife. We both work hard outside of the home. While at home, we work hard too. We often do dishes together, take turns making dinner, and I'll be honest and say that I think Brian does more laundry than me. We are a team. I really truly feel that I am Brian's equal. At the same time though, I also value my womanhood. I like being a lady. I like the feeling of curling my hair, twirling around in a dress, and putting on my favorite shade of lipstick. I like the feeling of looking hot for my husband. And I don't think there is anything degrading about that at all. It's actually quite empowering. The older I get, the more I realize how empowering womanhood is, and I feel that I gather that understanding through the gospel and from an all-knowing Heavenly Father.

So on Sunday morning, I put on a glittery dress that made me feel like a lady. I don't need pants to prove how bold, or capable, or strong I am. My dress was purple though. Purple is historically associated with the suffrage movement. I didn't do this on purpose. What it really comes down to is that I try to dress nicely on Sundays to show respect to my Savior. And if I have a nice pair of dress pants, fine. I can wear those to worship in. But I wouldn't want to wear them to church just to make a statement. The three hours I spend at church on Sundays are hours I come to focus on worship and focus on my relationship with God. For those three hours, I can stand to set aside my opinions and wants.

I asked a family member if anyone wore pants to their ward on Sunday. She replied, "Yes, one lady did. . .but she always wears pants. It's all she has." In my religion, we are merely encouraged to dress our best for our Sunday services. Best can be a dress, skirt, or pants.

I do feel bad for women who are members of my faith who have experienced inequality. It does happen. However, I don't think the problem stems from the church. I think it starts in the home. I was blessed enough to grow in a home where my parents viewed one another as equals. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, but only because she chose to be. My dad cooked dinner when he was not at work. They both had a say in finances and where money would be spent. Also, my parents never ever made me feel like I had to do "girl" things and could not do "boy" things. When I was eight and told my mom I wanted to quit gymnastics to play basketball, she was fine with that. When I continued playing basketball into high school, guess who loved coming to my games and always gave me pointers at half-time? That would be my dad. I think he loved that his daughter was into sports. Heck, I even played in the alumni basketball tournament a couple years ago. I think I was the first girl to ever do so. It's always just been men, but the boys my age were short on players, jokingly asked me if I would play so they wouldn't have to forfeit, and I seriously answered yes. Before the first game of the tournament, I remember feeling stupid and almost not playing. Guess who told me I better not let all those men make me chicken out? My mom.

 My siblings and I don't fit any kind of gender mold either. Some argue that women of the LDS faith are too encouraged to be submissive, kind, and mild. Well, out of my siblings my one and only brother is definitely the most submissive, kind, and mild one out of all us crazy sisters. My two sisters and I, we are the aggressive, bossy, risk-taking ones (considered to be more male traits). My parents are fine with that. They have always encouraged us to be ourselves. To be different.

I am not saying the way I was raised was the ideal way, I just feel like the way my parents allowed me to shape myself was a very healthy thing. A healthy thing for myself, and for my relationship with my parents. I feel no resentment toward them, only love and respect.

I do know of many families within my faith who were not raised this way. I have seen parents enforce rigid gender roles, and it can be scarring in the long run. Do I think these parents learned these gender roles at church? No. I think it's more likely they learned them from their own parents.

I recently was on the bus with a girl I knew. She was asking me about my classes. When I asked her how her classes were going, she quickly replied she wasn't going to school anymore. She had dropped out to work after she married her husband. That's very noble of her. I just hope it's really what she wanted. She then said something like, "I don't need to go to school anyway. I need to work to put my husband through school. Then he can work and I need to stay home."

 The thing that scared me is the way she said this. It's almost like she'd heard it said to her and it was something she felt she needed to believe.

I am grateful for a husband who puts up with my stubbornness. I am grateful we can both finish school together. And I am grateful for a husband who will support my dreams as well as his own. I know he will support me whether I start a career or choose to be a stay-at-home mom. I believe there is nothing wrong with either. We are a team now and I hope we remain a team as children one day come into the picture. If anyone is still reading this very long post, congrats, you must have a lot of endurance. And if any of you ladies out there who may be LDS are experiencing gender inequality, I pray that you can find peace and know how very special you are. Now I'll end this with a quote I sort of love. . .

Source: sparkrebel.com via Marimel on Pinterest